Another Failure to Chalk Up

I thought that finding my lost bra was a sign of good things to come, but it turns out that I missed my chance to be the hottest of the hot bimbos. What's up with that? Life is cruel.

What Once Was Lost Was Actually Hiding in My Closet

This morning as I dressed for work, I selected a very nice white button down shirt with pink and black stripes. I'm not sure when I wore it last, but as I withdrew it from my closet, I noticed a white bra looped around the hanger.

"Hmmmm... what's this?" my addled mind puzzled.

I stared at it for a moment, decided to wear it, and as I was removing the mysterious lingerie from its wire home, it hit me: this was the (expensive) bra that I lost that led me to go on my quest to buy (even more expensive) new bras! Hallelujah! It's a miracle!

I slipped into its warm embrace. The bra feels very nice around my rib cage - no squeezing. If today isn't my lucky day, then I don't know what is.

Grumble, Grumble

I've been killing time by frequenting a few MFA message board while the two MFA programs I applied to string me along. After reading some of the comments of people who have already been admitted to programs, it makes me wonder if I might not be better off if I don't get in anywhere. Such a large concentration of Cunty McCuntersons and blithering idiots would be hard to find in other places. Not that everyone is an irritating fuck, but I'm shocked by how many are. If I do get in somewhere, I hope I am not forced to slash any throats to save my sanity.

Seriously, though, back in late February, when people heard from both programs I applied to and I did not, I hoped that my silent bad news would just become real bad news so I could move on. Opening my mailbox and finding my rejection letter would've been a relief. Now that this has dragged on, I feel like a rejection would suck that much more since I've been waiting so long at this point. I dread the (inevitable?) rejection, and prefer the limbo status.

If time heals all wounds, it also allows anxiety to fester.

Not Baaad

While I'm at work learning if I still have a job after only 4 days (funding was cut while I was gone last week), enjoy my sheep's milk yogurt review over at Live Active Cultures. The review and the yogurt are way better than the pun.

Hippos Lurk, But So Does Happiness

After my trip to the Bung Hole wine bar yesterday, I figured that I was due for some good news today. Initially, I was disappointed. Returning to work, I discovered that my the grant that my new employer uses to fund my position was revoked while I was gone last week. There's a chance that the funder will be convinced to give it back to them, but I won't know until tomorrow or Thursday. Cool.

When I got home from work this evening, there was still no word from either graduate program that I applied to. However, my answering machine did contain the best news possible: Monkey Girl said that Count Mockula had her baby in the wee hours of the morning! Both mom and baby are doing well. (And MG: I can't find your number, so can you email it to me or call me back?) Yay!

My advice to Zadie is to stay away from hippos. Although they look very peaceful lying around in pools of mud, they can suddenly creep up and tip your canoe. Or at the very last, scare the crap out of you with their bad teeth, which makes me think of that hilarious shark from the Strange Wilderness commercial.

The Picture Says It All

After losing my planned post for BlogHer yesterday, which was infuriating (I re-wrote it and posted it today), my fucking piece of shit laptop lost an article that I worked on for almost four hours this most delightful afternoon. This was partially my fault, as I forgot to save it as another document after I downloaded it, but I did save it about 400 times while I worked on it, so I'm not sure why it never showed up in the temp file.


That pretty much sums up my feelings on the matter. As for the restaurant, I am curious who would eat at a place with such a name. Fascinating.

Yeah, I Did Ask That

Here's a recent conversation I had with a friend I hadn't seen in ages:

Me: Hey! How are you?

Friend: I'm really happy! Things are going so well. I started seeing someone.

Me: That's awesome. I was wondering about that, but I didn't want to ask. I thought it would be prying, and I didn't want to ask anything inappropriate.

Friend: We started dating about a month ago.

Me: Soooooo... is he circumcised?

Friend: (laughing uncontrollably because she is used to me)

Me: Yeah, I just realized how wrong it is that I felt uncomfortable asking you if you were dating someone, but not what his penis looks like.

Friend: (still laughing uncontrollably)

Me: I can't help it. I have this weird obsession with uncircumcised penises. I don't know why, but they fascinate me.

Friend: Well, I haven't seen it yet anyway.

Me: Right. It would probably be wrong for me to ask you to report back once you do, wouldn't it?

Friend: (laughing uncontrollably)

While I was replaying this conversation in my head, I thought about what a great GEICO commercial spoof this would make. (You know, those commercials where they hire a "professional actor" to dramatically repeat the story of the actual GEICO customer?) Fred Willard or Sarah Silverman could totally play me. Hilarious.