Oh No, He Didn't!

Yesterday I asw the utterly hilarious phenonemon that is Borat. Let me say that nothing - and I mean nothing - is more gut busting than two extremely hairy men wrestling naked. I can't remember the last time I laughed so uproariously at a movie. (The last time I laughed so uproariously in general was this summer at the Jersey Shore when my sister, brother-in-law, and I sang the song that opens Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, which is "Anything Goes" with fake Chinese sprinkled in it.)

Anyway, at one point in Borat, he decided to buy a car that will help him attract "women shaved below." See how brilliant this film is? Mocking unshaved snatch is a rarity these days.

Another Overly Earnest Article, but One that Ariel Levy Won't Agree With

Positive pornography can enlighten society

The Washington Square News

Thursday, September 14, 1995

The world needs more pornography. Considering the amount of porn shops and theaters in New York City alone, I realize that this sounds like a suspect statement. However, it is important to keep in mind that pornography is not necessarily a bad thing. Studies have shown that porn, especially hard-core porn, is one of the few mediums in which women are not punished nor made to feel guilty about having sexual needs and wanting them to be fulfilled. In addition, in American culture, which remains very puritanical and sex-negative even today, pornography is one of the only genres which advocates sexual experimentation, openness, and expression. The pornography that we need more of is the kind that portrays men and women as sexual equals and revels in the glories of mutual pleasure between two willing individuals.

Slowly but surely, the porn industry is evolving toward a change in this direction. Because more and more women are using pornography, (about 40% of all pornography is consumed by women), the industry is moving towards the needs of its new following. It is increasingly making distinctions between good (consensual and safe) and bad (coercive or unsafe) sex. Surprisingly enough, the leader in this minor cultural revolution has been hard-core pornography.

It is also interesting to note that there is, empirically, a positive correlation between a society’s consumption of pornography and its level of equal opportunity for women in education, employment, and politics. Sweden and Denmark, for example, have high rates of gender equality and low levels of violence against women, especially when compared to the U.S. Residents of these two countries are known to be very comfortable with the subject of sex and have low rates of unintended pregnancy, despite their extremely liberal attitude towards pornography.

Obviously, then, porn is not necessarily related to violence against women or sexism in society, as censorship advocates claim. Conversely, the more society engages in open sexual discourse, the more opposition between the artificial dichotomies of male and female, subject and object, active and passive, begins to break down. Honesty and openness end sexual stereotypes, while repression helps create and maintain them. This is why a pro-sex attitude is healthier than a negative anti-porn one and why more pro-sex porn is needed.

In order to promote sexual equality free of gender stereotyping, we need more pornography that addresses and affirms our sexuality as human beings. Many feminists have responded to this need and are partially responsible for changing pornography in American to a more equal portrait of sexual relationships. Yellow Silk, for example, is a journal of erotica that has the motto “all persuasions, no brutality.” Susie Bright (also known as Susie Sexpert), Laura Chester, and Lonnie Barbach have all edited pro-sex fiction anthologies. (Try Bright’s Herotica collections, featuring an excellent collection of erotica by women or The Best Erotica of 1995, also edited by Bright, but including male authors.)

Anka Radakovich, the sex columnist for Details magazine, brings a feminist perspective to her writings about sex. In what is essentially a men’s magazine, Radakovich dispels the notion that only men want and enjoy sex, and she often gives men advice about how to give women more pleasure. Writings such as these help end repressive gender roles and expectations and promote healthier attitudes as a result.

Filmmaker Lydia Lunch supports the notion that more, but better, porn is needed. When challenged by censorship advocates about the depiction of women in pornography, Lunch simply answers, “Women never look foolish in pornography, they look beautiful, they get paid more than the average day job, and they’re doing what they like to do…Period.” Hence the porn films are empowering. Women who watch porn realize that it is not abnormal for a woman to want and enjoy sex. Men who see it learn that, despite popular myth, women also have sexual needs.

Forum, a soft-core British magazine with a 40% female readership, works hard to present a balanced view of sexuality and sex. “We feel we’ve got to keep up to date with everybody’s sexuality, whether… man, woman, straight, or gay, because there’s so much intolerance around,” an editor explains. The magazine seeks to dispel myths by acknowledging that everyone has different sexual needs and that these needs must be met. It is views such as this – that everyone has a right to his or her own sexuality – that come across in pornography and are helpful to society. Fortunately, such views are being expressed with more and more frequency.

Pro-sex pornographers create a more gender-equal society, as well as a society that has healthy attitudes toward sex, by portraying more gender-equal sex. They destroy the myths created by a repressive culture concerning women’s sexuality by openly instigating discussions and challenging the viewer. Pro-sex porn helps to bring about a better sexual environment by forcing society to re-evaluate its beliefs about sexuality. In addition, it makes people realize that sex and sexuality are natural and good, not things to be ashamed of. Only through honest, open portrayals of sex can society become more comfortable with sex and role it plays in our lives.

It's a good thing I am Far Away in Albany, or I Might Be Arrested for Assaulting Someone

Does anyone else have the special ability to go from 0 to 250 in four seconds flat? I don’t mean with a vehicle; I’m talking emotionally. As I sat down to a lovely lunch with a friend, my cell phone rang. Instead of being rude and answering the phone, I let it go to voicemail. When I checked my phone after lunch, it was the manager of my building calling back in “response” to the message I left him yesterday.

I say “response” instead of response because his message had nothing to do with what I had asked when I called, as far as I can tell. However, maybe I am overreacting. (You know how hysterical women can get.) How about I recount my request and his response, and you all tell me if wanting to beat this man is not appropriate:

Suzanne (yesterday): Hello, I am calling regarding the construction in the apartment above mine. I am concerned because I can hear debris falling in the interior walls of my apartment from whatever they are doing above, and I don’t think that should be happening. Thus far, nothing has fallen into my living space yet, but if you can look into what they are doing up there and get back to me, that would be great. Thank you.

Asshole Building Manager (today, in flippant tone): I’m returning your call from yesterday regarding the noise in the apartment above you. As you know, this is a sponsor unit and he is renovating it so that he can sell it. Renovations are often noisy, so there is nothing we can do about that. Once he completes the renovations, he’ll sell the unit, which will benefit the building overall to have it owner-occupied. The work should be done soon, so don’t worry.

Now, did I say one word about having a problem with the noise? No. Oh wait – I said that I could hear debris fucking falling into my unit. Thus I must be complaining about how noisy it is when shit falls from the apartment above me into my unit. And I also appreciate the extremely condescending explanation of what happens when the sponsor sells a unit since I obviously have no understanding of how co-operative apartments work. I apologize for expecting you to listen to my entire message (which I suspect did not happen) and act on my concerns. Perhaps I should wait to call until my ceiling caves in.

What a silly little girl I am!

Back to the Cookie

In response to my gross post on disturbing things that men do, including the game "ookie cookie" aka "cum on a cookie", Mar sent me this hilarious cartoon that she saw online:Damn, this makes me laugh!

Thanks Mar!

Dispatch from the State Capitol

In late September, I took my extravagantly expensive new winter coat to my favorite Eastern European tailor on the Upper East Side to have the sleeves shortened so that they no longer engulfed my hands. I figured that as long as I have blown a jillion bucks on a coat, I might as spend another $25 to have it look perfect, or at least not make me appear handless. As always, he did a very nice job.

When I saw him again on Wednesday for yet another I-must-be-on-drugs purchase, we joked about how I wouldn’t be needing the coat for quite some time, as it was 70 degrees that day. Little did we know that it would be in the 30s in Albany last night.

Husband and I drive up in the late afternoon for a meeting that he is attending this morning. Upon our arrival, I was excited to see a Jimmy John sub shop. I ate at this place in downtown Iowa, and found it tasty and amusing. Unfortunately, like everything else (except Quiznos) in downtown Albany at 8 pm, it was closed.

Today the high is supposed to be in the lower 40s. I shall be meeting up with a beloved former co-worker. When I left my prior job for the job that I just ended, I cried because I would not be working with him any more. Also, I hope to go to the New York State Museum, but even up in Albany, I have errands to take care of. Will the madness never end?

Show People How You Feel about Bush (Not the George W. Kind)

Be the first on your block to own a CUSS-approved handy crochet cootch (change purse, tampon case, or birth control cozy) that reminds people that you are a proud supporter of unshaved snatch! It’s disturbingly realistic, and probably would make a very nice carrying case for CUSS stickers (which are still available for free if you email me). And not to worry: there’s plenty of time to order your crocheted vagina for the holidays!

Thanks to the Left Coast for the tip!

Until We (Virtually) Meet Again, From Albany to Buffalo

Another big day ahead of me, and I should be sleeping. I can’t blame it on construction workers this time, though. The sleeplessness is probably due to my blogging addiction.

Earlier this evening, my blog stopped working. I freaked out. You’d have thought that someone died or that Husband forgot to feed Tycho Bunnae once again. (OK, the latter is true, but Tycho is so damn fat now that he grunts from the effort it takes for him to lick his ass. Not good. A missed meal or two is clearly not going to kill him, and even if he doesn’t have fresh veggies, he can still pig out on hay and hard food.) After an online chat with Dustin at WestHost, it was determined that my “index.html was erased.” Do I know what the fuck that means? No. Who cares what went wrong as long as it could be fixed, and it doesn’t happen again. I mean, an erased index sounds scary. Anyhoo, it was fixed and although I initially lost all the lovely comments that people left as well as my last post, it all reappeared after I republished the index. Whew!

Today I am running errands (surprise, surprise) that include: turned the Haven Coalition cell phone over to the next phone volunteer; buying fingerless gloves, which upon initial impression sound like a completely useless product, but when you think of them as arm warmers, are in fact brilliant; using my $5 coupon for various products at Duane Reade, the pharmacy that is as ubiquitous in Manhattan as Starbucks; calling various editors to see if they want to publish my nuggets of wisdom; meeting a delightful friend for lunch (damn, I am a lady who lunches); and meeting Husband by his office in Connecticut to accompany him on an exciting business trip to Albany, our thrilling state capital. Isn’t it great that he spent a week in Rome and Milan without me, but brings me along to Albany? (Which makes me think of one of my favorite random songs I learned as a wee one, “15 Miles from the Erie Canal.” I’ve always liked that the female mule was named Sal.) He promised I can go to Italy with him next time, so I’m not really complaining. (I don’t think I really have that right since I am a lady who lunches.)

Between my luncheon appointment and training it up to Connecticut, I will hit the OB-GYN’s office, where my blood will be sampled to determine if I am 1 in 100 lucky women who hit menopause between the ages of 30-39 (and possibly even 1 in a 1,000 who hit that milestone in her roaring ‘20s – I’ve always been advanced for my age). If the test comes back positive, I reserve the right to call myself a hag without getting flack from anyone.