This is a very nice picture of me. Husband took it while I was sitting around on Sunday while other people took official pictures with their friend, who was getting married later that afternoon. If I could have an author picture, I would crop this and use it.Out of curiosity, I am wondering if the first thought of anyone looking at this picture was, "Wow, this woman is obviously a radical lesbian." When I was at the BlogHer conference this past summer, someone insisted that I project "radical lesbian." (In fact, the first thing this woman asked me during the ice breaker was whether I was a radical lesbian, which I thought to be sort of rude, regardless of whether I am or not.) Not only rude bitches seem to think that I am a lesbian. This began after I started wearing a little female sign necklace when I was a junior in high school. It seems that it is not possible to be a proud feminist without also being a man-hating lesbian. When I got my hair cut short, I further conformed to some dyke image that people hold sacred in their little minds. I'm not a lesbian, although I do hate men. Now, there's no need to get your man-thongs (aka "jock straps") in a bunch over this fact, because I also hate women, too. People in general raise my ire.
Looks are deceptive. Not only do I look like a lesbian, but I also appear to be a friendly and nice person. Sometimes this is true. However, while the picture was taken, I was thinking something like, "Motherfucking asshole cockface who made me leave a party early on Sat. night, then rise at the fucking crack of dawn so I could haul my ass to the middle of fucking nowhere in that shithole state of New Jersey so that Husband could be in two fucking pictures then stand around for hours before the damn ceremony, I hate your fucking ass." Just like an adorable fuzzy koala bear, a stranger would never know the vicious thoughts that run though my pleasantly dyke-y looking little head.
ummm...yeah. You sort of ping my gaydar. However, as the politically correct among us are prone to say, (insert piously sanctimonious voice here), "Everyone has the right to self-identify. You are whatever you feel you are."
ReplyDeleteWould that it were so. I'd begin self-identifying as a billionaire immediately.
Hey...why isn't there a title, "radical heterosexual"? I think there should be, and I think you should claim it as your own.
Hey Ev - I think that is whole premise of "The Secret." We just need to self-identify as what we want, and the magic will happen.
ReplyDeleteInteresting that I ping your gaydar. I have no gaydar myself, so I guess that is why I have no idea that I am sending out crossed signals or whatever. Women never hit on me, although men don't, either. I definitely get more male flirting than female, but maybe they don't have gaydars either. Or I could be oblivious, which is likely. :) So it goes.
Let me start with a disclaimer: I'm not trying to invalidate your gender identity in any way, I promise. This is just my own story.
ReplyDeleteBack when I was trying hard to be a heterosexual, lesbians hit on me like mad and, like you, I was totally oblivious until I would find them either leaning in a for a kiss or holding my tit.
Men, however, either wanted me as a drinking buddy or to come over and cut down a tree in their yard.
You'd be surprised at the vibe you throw out in the world, whether you mean to or not.
I know that you are not trying to invalidate me. :) No worries. I am definitely interested in hearing lots of perspectives on this because, hey, I'm self-obsessed. If I sound defensive, I certainly don't mean to. (Talk about not controlling the vibe I throw out to the world...)
ReplyDeleteI loved this post.
ReplyDeleteI get checked-out by gay women all the time - and men never look at me. So, I wish I were gay, because I'd be gettin' more action.
Men and the long hair thing - drives me crazy. My boyfriend (sadly, I get no action from him) HATES short hair on women, so it's gonna suck for him when I cut it.
Will someone feed the koalas? They are getting angry!
ReplyDeleteTotally identify with the high school comment. After a pro-choice rally I slapped a "Support Vaginal Pride" sticker on my looseleaf. Guess what they said about me:)
ReplyDeleteMy two cents:
ReplyDeleteIf I saw you on the street, and didn't know you, I might think that you were something other than heterosexual. Maybe not a lesbian, per se, but definitely into women. Why? Because I would be stereotyping you. While stereotyping may be the ultimate verb to fall under the "bad habit" category, it's no lie when they say stereotypes exist for a reason. Often times, however, stereotypes like "lesbians have cropped hair" and "gay men have lisps" exist because, on the other positive side, they are used as community signifiers. If I were a lesbian, I might pin you as one as well (at least on first glance) in an effort to make real the hope that a member of my community is standing before me. From a psychological perspective, thinking that you're a lesbian (or something other than heterosexual) might be an innocent attempt at abating feelings of being the only "other" in the room.
Also: whenever you mention koalas, I think of Koala Yummies, and then I think of chocolate, and then I get really hungry. Damn, food is awesome.
ReplyDeleteHey, that Amazon link to the book refers to someone named "Susanne" Reisman (Author). And it lists a publication date of July 1, 2008. Are they sort of pre-selling this thing? The website looks as if they actually have it for sale.
ReplyDeletewell, what i want to know is why when some women cut off their hair it is referred to as a cute "pixie" cut. and when others do it, people think lesbian. i am not sure what the difference is?! i mean you ARE little and cute so you have a pixie cut, but when you run off on one of your "rants" you are clearly a lesbian, and a radical one at that. people are fuckholes, that is all i know.
ReplyDeleteon a somewhat relatable note, i was wondering how to get jaiden's kindergarten class to respect me. the other parents are not mobbed by them at pick up time but i am. is it because i do not portray authority at all because i am covered in paint clothes and other parents are respectable in their business attire or stay at home casual attire? i am also not much bigger than a lot of them, so that could be it. but, a little girl basically felt me up today to feel the texture of my shirt. i know they would not do that to other parents, so why me?
I love being the only "other' in the room. Women tend to like me, and hetero women especially seem to. I think it's because I'm not very sexually threatening...I'm sort of nerdy looking and smile a lot. So it seems to be fun for them to flirt with me...and that, in turn, is fun for me. There's nothing that'll ruin that for me than some smoldering butch in the room, reeking of sexuality. That pretty much squashes any hopes of dorky flirting. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteAnd Dianne? The kindergarten class paws at you because you look like you must be fun, because who but a fun person would be covered in paint?
"pleasantly dyke-y looking little head"
ReplyDeletei really needed that laugh today, but it wouldn't let me post a comment earlier.
and i'd read you too long before i first saw a picture to have an opinion of you one way or another. perhaps we'll have my mum give her thoughts when we're in nyc.
I've always had short hair and spoken my mind. And yes, sometimes people think I'm a lesbian. Sometimes they think other things. But people are fuckholes, like Dianne said.
ReplyDeleteYou are a vicious koala that will tear someone up just for looking a them cockeyed.
ha ha ha
Ultimately, I would far rather be confused for a lesbian than other misguided identities, like, say a Republican. Ain't nothing wrong with being a dyke, but there's lots of fucked up shit about being a Republican. There are a lot of lesbians I like out there; there are very few Republicans with whom I'd like to spend my time.
ReplyDeleteI don't think anyone's ever gonna confuse you for one of those bad people.
ReplyDeleteIt is a good picture! It captures your attitude.
ReplyDeleteat times i thought you looked dyke-y, but honestly, in this particular shot, i think you look like a character out of a harry potter book ( i don't know, it must be the black coat and red scarf or something)
ReplyDeleteDr. P - I hope it is not Prof. McGonagall, who is totally awesome, but 800 years old. For that matter, I hope it is also not Prof. Sprout or the always delightful Mrs. Weasely.
ReplyDeleteno i meant a little boy ready to cause trouble. not a main character.
ReplyDeleteAs a man who LOVES chicks, I truly do not get the short haircuts. Rarely do they look attractive. Then, we are expected to say something nice about them!
ReplyDelete