If you get lost, the sea monster will give you directions after he finishes eating the crew

I have an obsession with maps.  If I’m going somewhere, I like to know exactly where I am.  I’ll study my little map before I go, and pull it out a few times as I’m going along my journey.  However, maps today are not as good as old maps.  Sure, they’re more accurate than they were 300 years ago, but they have much less character. Old maps may not have gotten people where they wanted to go, but they have scary sea monsters patrolling the waters, ships tipping over on sudden ginormous waves, and angry cloud faces blowing nasty winds.  Just because we’re all “modern” these days doesn’t mean we shouldn’t continue such a fine tradition.  I miss the sea monsters!

I tried to revive the style when I was in high school.  I was taking AP European history, and one of our first assignments was to draw a map of Europe.  What an amazing opportunity!  I drew what I thought was a terrifying sea beast in the Atlantic Ocean, handed it in, and hoped for the best.  When I got my map back, I was pleased to have gotten an A on it, but my sea monster did not have the effect I intended.  My teacher noted that she liked my “cute” monster.  I tried to explain that he wasn’t cute, but very scary.  Then I realized that my career in cartography was not meant to be.