Nipping it in the bud

For years I seem to have misunderstood the purpose of padded bras. I had only seen the ones that were designed to make your boobs look deceptively bigger and the kind that were meant to boost your boobs all the way to your chin, creating not only “attractive” cleavage, but also a convenient chin rest in case you were to suddenly nod off.

What I did not know until mere months ago is that some lightly padded bras could help me with an annoying problem I had: nipplage. It seems that I am always cold and as a result, have stupid nipples poking through my damn shirt. This is bad enough at social events, but highly horrifying at work, where I sat under an air conditioning vent freezing my patooties off for almost four years. Not good. Not professional. (Not that I usually look remotely professional at work anyway. You can’t wear low rise jeans, saddle shoes Keds, and a baby t-short that has a stick figure drawing of a person and says in child’s handwriting “Bush is a tush,” and look professional, nipples or no nipples.)

Anyway, my friend told me that I needed a padded bra, and I became annoyed. I didn’t spend $20,000 (OK, my insurance spent $16,000 and my parents $4,000) to have my rack reduced from a DD+ to a B- only to try and make my titties look bigger. Fortunately, my friends are used to me being resistant to change, and Paula explained that there is more than one type of padded bra. Sure enough, she was right. I bought 3. I look a little bigger in them and was very self conscious at first over my new increase in chest girth, but I realized how much better it was to not be self conscious about nipples, so it all worked out nicely. Hurray for lightly padded bras!