From completely bare, a dementedly popular torture chamber - er, I mean waxing salon - that seems to believe that people are not mammals:
Like all fashion trends, beauty treatments come and go, one day they're hot, they next day they're not. The need for hair removal doesn't change, but how you get to be bare down there and the style you choose, like fashion, changes from season to season. The experts at completely bare know that the Brazilian bikini is out. Now it's time to go completely bare with a flair. Accessorize your own jewels…with crystals.Whether your choice of hair removal is completely bare's core treatment - EpiLight™ permanent hair reduction - or a French wax, - you can be sure that your bikini area will sparkle.
Accessorizing your privates is the hottest rage. From crystal flowers to customized favorites, you too can now decorate your own jewels. Whether it's a special occasion or you just want to sparkle everywhere, you can choose from an assortment of real swarovski crystal designs so you can shimmer and shine.
There are several points at which I refuse to believe that the proprietors of completely bare are not falling on the floor as they shriek with laughter. "Can you believe that women pay for this shit?" I imagine them asking themselves, wiping the tears from the corners of their cosmetically enhanced eye sockets and high-fiving each other. I mean really, who on earth can, in one paragraph, admit that beauty trends come and go, but that they have the secret to the one trend that will stay cool forever?
Another response: is there not something frighteningly childish about tearing out all your pubes and gluing sparkly things on in their place? If I were a guy (or woman) about to engage in some hot action with someone and I saw that, I would run away screaming. As fast as I could. Because this is something that 8 year olds think is cool. And this is coming from a woman who really likes sparkling things and bows and ribbons. It's not like I am the most mature and age-relevant person out there.
(Incidentally, when I showed this picture to Husband, he thought that it was a tatoo of a zipper. I admit that would be kind of cool, as it demonstrates some bitchin' humor.)
Ladies: crystals on the cootie are creepy. Show some fucking respect for yourselves and your adult "jewels."
Cunt crystals. Interesting. Well, it would be a good sex deterrent. Can't imagine that it would feel good.
ReplyDeleteAnd btw, you never saw my post I don't htink, but in the summer I got a full wax just to see what it would be like (pain-wise, and afterwards-wise) and I must say, I wish I had had a sex partner at the time because it would have been quite interesting...
I guess you mean interesting in a good way versus bad way or you wouldn't have wished for a partner at the time. A whole slew of other women swear by it. But I am just too creeped out by the thought of it to do it myself.
ReplyDeleteAnd in this case, the picture really borders on child porn, doesn't it?
The pic looks photoshopped to me, major blurring out.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne, it certainly looks like child porn. Very freaky/sad. And believe me, I didn't like the look of it at ALL and was embarassed to have anyone see me. But the feeling is different...
ReplyDeleteOh, now I'm worried that you thought I was judging you for trying it, but I wasn't. I'm sure that some women who go bare may look like young girls, and some won't. The difference is that this picture in particular features such a child-like model (no hips - maybe due to the air brushing that Rhea noticed?) that it freaks me out.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm a pedophile. Maybe I'm a hairaphobe. Maybe I really love sparkles...
ReplyDelete...but this looks like something I would totally try, hahahaha.
I had one of those too (not with icky crystals, thanks) and I *did* have a partner and it was verrrrrry interesting.
ReplyDeleteNot too long before I had it, I was ranting to a friend about how I'd NEVER! EVER! modify my pubes in any way, and he (a confirmed metrosexual) asked "Why not?" I wasn't showing it to anyone when this conversation took place, but I was acting like it was this big political thing. So I thought I'd try it out (and happened to be dating a new guy at the time, who did think it was a little weird...for a minute...)
TMI?
And that is why I like you, Sara and Warrior Two.
ReplyDelete