That Stinks

There is quite a vigorous debate going on at The Queen and her royal family over whether unshaved snatch is good or bad. At first I got all persnickety about her comments. (I read her post right before I went to a fundraising meeting and was sulking over it the whole subway ride uptown; I’m glad the honchos didn’t notice because I am not sure how I would explain what I was all pissy about. “Oh, I’m just mad that someone thinks that there’s no excuse for bush, and I am not talking about George W.” probably would not go over well.) Then I calmed down and realized that her comments were as much to provoke discussion as mine are, and she noted that her post was meant to be humorous, so I can’t really get all bent of shape. (Check it out, especially if you are one of my compadres who amuse me with your Brazilian addictions. You know who you are...) However, I do take issue with her physiologically dubious charge that unshaved snatch equals crotch rot. I can understand where that line of thinking comes from, but I happen to strongly disagree, and I have unscientifically derived evidence to support my belief!

Think of unshaved snatch as a cooch with a beard. Men have beards. Does a beard make a man’s face sweat more? Yes, a bit. Does it make it sweat so much that his chin reeks? Um, no. Even with beards, chins still get enough air that they don’t smell. It probably also helps if the beard and face are washed on a frequent basis. A cooch is no different. If it is crammed into super tight pants and synthetic underwear, it can’t breathe. Bacteria and other nasties fester. I suspect that thongs and g-strings don’t help matters, as part of those are then jammed up where the sun don’t shine. Certainly no air there! Get some breathable undies, wear looser pants, use soap and rinse, and the problem is alleviated – no need to rip the hairs out. Respect the hairy beast, and it will respect you back.

Still not convinced? Armpits make a fair parallel. I sometimes shave my pits, and usually don’t. Whether I shave them or not, I still have sweat glands. Maybe the deodorant gets spread a bit better when I have shaved pits, but generally I found that the biggest difference in how bad the pits stink is due to what I am wearing. If my shirt is cotton, it seems to be manageable. When I wear lycra, rayon, nylon, spandex, polyester, triacetate, or other unnatural fabrics, the pits are slimy and smelly. (Man, I should be a spokesperson for the cotton industry. My promos would focus on armpits and crotches, with the tag line: “Cotton. You stink a hell of a lot less when you wear it.” Brilliant, right?)

No one likes a stinky poon (alright, there probably is a group of people who get off on stinky poon, but let’s say it’s not beloved by the mainstream), but you can’t blame it on pubic hair.