Anyway, at the event, which was oodles of fun, I bought four tickets to the raffle. I am very pleased to say that Lady Luck gave me a big, wet, sloppy kiss, and I won a ginormous squishy dildo! How cool is that?
Although given its girth, does it not kinda of scare you? I admit that it intimidates me. I'm wussy that way, though.Husband was unable to attend the event because he went to a casino with a few co-workers. I eagerly awaited his return home so I could show him my loot.
"Hi!" I said as he walked in the door. "How was the casino? Did you win anything?"
He looked sad. "No."
"Oh well," I pretended to sympathize for a second, then shifted gears. "Look what I won in a raffle!" I blurted out as I shoved the dildo in his face.
"Great," he replied without much enthusiasm.
"I'm going to show it to your parents when they come over for dinner tomorrow," I teased.
"Yeah, can you please not do that?" he said, blushing. (As a redhead, he is a great blusher.)
"I'll think about it." I put it down on the bookcase next to the computer.
On Saturday, I helped Dr. H pick up a desk and dresser that she had in storage in Long Island. Dr. P also came along, and we had a lovely day together. When I returned to my apartment, I nearly collapsed with laughter.
"I felt like it was staring at me while I did our taxes," Husband explained. "Then I realized that it couldn't stare at me because it had no eyes, so I rectified the situation.""Where'd you get the googlie eyes?" I asked, wiping the tears of mirth from my eyes.
"From your box marked 'googlie eyes,'" he said, as if everyone has a box of googlie eyes just lying around. (I love googlie eyes, and you never know when they will come in handy, as Husband proved.) "Now it's really a trouser snake!"
See how lucky I am? Not only does Husband take me on exciting trips around the globe, but he also tapes googlie eyes onto dildos and makes funny jokes. I am the luckiest girl ever.
The eyes have it.
ReplyDeleteYou could always stash it under your bead and use to to defend against intruders.
That is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Your husband ROCKS! Also, I'm a big fan of the jammies!
ReplyDeleteCraig and I decided that you should carry it around with you because it would really do some damage as a defense weapon.
ReplyDeleteNow with eyes, that is hilarious.
That was awesome! I'm going to have to do a special blog just for you...
ReplyDeleteCould you imagine if you forgot, and then used it, and then months later you get a pap and the doctor pulls out two googlie eyes from your snatch? How would you go about explaining that?
ReplyDeleteWow, you're the second friend of mine to win a dildo! With the eyes it looks like it belongs on the Backyardigans.
ReplyDeleteWith a thing that size, the ONLY thing to do with it stick googlie eyes on it. Yeesh.
ReplyDelete*laughing* I just started thinking about it...if you started carrying that thing around as a weapon, I don't know how much damage it would do, but I'll bet the criminals would be laughing to hard to do much harm to you.
ReplyDeleteTell your husband I think he's way cool (he probably already knows I think this, but it's always nice to hear these things over and over), and I would be so, so, so happy if anyone ever taped googly eyes on a dildo for me! That is just way too cute.
ReplyDeleteNow he just needs shoestring licorice lips and a name. He's so cute. What a great pet!!
ReplyDeleteDilbert the Dildo?
I love it. And you are not a shitty Haven leader. Unlike your commarade in arms (or armless pink googily eyed dildos) you actually attended the event!
ReplyDeleteGuess husband has always been eyeing a dildo. You strap your dildo to your face and I'll strap my dildo to my face and we'll walk through Times Square! Oh the fun.
ReplyDelete