Melancholia

Although I had a normal amount of sleep on Wednesday night, I was still exhausted from my awesome overnight road trip on Steph on Tuesday, which resulted in less than three hours of slumber that night. When I am in desperate need of my beauty rest, I am a bit more sensitive to things than usual. After I read an email that reminded me that I was only included in something out of obligation (something that has never been said outright, but I sensed all along), I felt really shitty. Quite frankly, if you don't want me to participate in something, just don't ask me. It's a no-win situation, and I'll resent you and feel like crap either way, so just spare me the time and expense. Husband made the situation far worse by yelling at me about it, because even though he is generally awesome and does things that make me laugh and laugh like taping googlie eyes on a giant dildo, sometimes he is an incredibly emotionally stupid fucking asshole. Of course, he then had to suffer through my tears instead of getting laid, so he certainly regretted his idiocy.

Mostly I feel better today, but I'm still sad. Spending all that quality time with Steph just reminded me of the good old days and how much I miss her. And Dr. P is moving away now, too. It's really the end of an era. Not that I don't have other wonderful friends in my life, and I am very happy about that and love spending time with them, but it only takes one little reminder that you are insignificant to another person to remember what it feels like to have super deep connections to others. When you can just be you and they get it without any explanation because you've known them so long. And when they leave, it sucks.