Husband is the best man in a wedding this afternoon. I was planning to wear a cute pink and green strapless cocktail dress to the wedding, but I noticed that my leg hair was clearly visible through my white tights. I then considered wearing a pair of funky black flowy pants things, but then I didn’t want them to drag in the slush that is dogging the streets of New York these days.
“Why don’t you just shave your legs?” Rebecca asked.
“What! Are you crazy?” I replied, aghast at the sacrilegious suggestion.
I settled on a black dress so that I could wear black tights. As I mentioned all this to Husband, he brought up the fine product now available to men through www.shaveeverywhere.com.
“Damn, that was a funny ad,” he chuckled.
We joked about the “optical inch” for a few minutes, when it suddenly occurred to me. If people distinguish themselves from other mere animals by our grooming habits, then it is actually a sign of civilization that both genders are increasingly spending time removing our fur. Hence, I am utterly uncivilized.
“Yes, that’s true,” Husband admitted cheerfully. “If you were more civilized, you would also use a fork and knife while you eat. Your sister has the same issue!”
I hate using knives as much as I hate shaving. Using a fork is sufficient to split apart whatever food I plan to ingest. Why make another utensil dirty if it doesn’t need to be? Sure, if my food actually requires a knife, I am happy to make use of it. But generally, a gentle nudge off the side of the fork is perfect force and sharpness to break off a bite size nugget of food. Or sometimes I gnaw on things.
Civilization is overrated, anyway.
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To bad it isn't a caveman/woman themed wedding, ha,ha..
ReplyDeleteYou could use a knife to shave. Then you wouldn't have to dirty the razor AND the knife. They're sorta the same thing.
ReplyDeleteThe new Annoyance Theatre is up and running strong!
ReplyDeleteI found you site via a Google search for DAME COED PRISON SLUTS.
I needed to link somebody to info about the show.
The last two ladies that I was somewhat significant to, both requested that I shave. In fact, they shaved me.
But now I am single, and I took it upon myself to do my own maintenance work. I knicked myself underneath my testicles several times. Talk about seeing red!
Des, that's hella Crocodile Dundee.
ReplyDeleteI hate shaving my legs too and I also have chosen outfits specifically so that I don't have to shave my legs.
ReplyDeleteI like to eat either with just a fork or better yet, my hands alone.
ReplyDeleteI shave my legs a few times a year. I'm very tall and blonde, so usually figure why bother? Too much surface area to clear to get rid of nearly invisible hair anyway.
ReplyDeleteI have the opposite problem with black tights though--any stray blondies poking through are highly visible.
Suz, remember when I chaperoned your 7th grade dancing lessons? It was right before the holidays, and Vanessa's mother requested I dress up and wear a skirt. My response:"That will be fine if you want to see my hairy legs!" Bottom line- I wore pants.
ReplyDelete