One of the many reasons I love Husband is that we have a variety of interesting conversations. Sometimes they are about farting. Other times they are about work, friends, family, and/or whatever is happening in our lives. Many times we discuss sports and politics. Once in awhile, we debate philosophical differences.*
Yesterday I wrote on BlogHer about the case of a woman in Saudi Arabia who was gang raped by seven men. Her husband bravely encouraged her to press charges (which led her brother to try and kill her) and while the men were convicted and sentenced to prison, the woman was also sentenced to 90 lashes for going out in public with a man who was not her legal guardian. Her lawyer, a famous human rights advocate, fairly protested that it is absurd and wrong to punish a woman who was gang raped. World attention and pressure ensued. The authorities responded by increasing her punishment to 200 lashes and six months in prison, claiming that she confessed to having an affair. More outrage from the civilized world thus far has not made any difference.
After I wrote the essay, I was depressed. Somehow this led Husband and I to discuss the difference between feminism and humanism. If feminism is, at root, a belief that women and men deserve equal human rights (which is how I define feminism), how is that different from humanism, which is essentially that all people have basic human rights? Husband felt that because feminism (by necessity) primarily focuses on the rights of women, it is easily manipulated by conservatives and right-wing lunatics into a movement that tries to put women above men. Thus we get a lot of bad publicity and all manner of people saying things like, "I'm not a feminist, but I believe that women and men are equal." For example, a humanist will point out that domestic violence is wrong. A feminist will note that, according to the Family Violence Prevention Fund, 85% of victims of intimate partner violence are women and 15% of victims are men. As a result, feminists focus on women first and demand that the resources proportionally go to women victims. It's not that we dismiss violence against men, its just that we look at the history of violence against partners and statistics and demand that women get help in proportion to the situation. Some (like Husband the Humanist) would say that because there are not enough resources to go around, insisting that women get priority denies male victims, who are even further stigmatized by partner violence than women because they fail to meet masculine stereotypes of being strong, the resources they need, and thus does not treat men and women equally.
It's an interesting discussion. What do you think?**
*Many times these discussions end with me shouting, but not always.
**And if you write about this on your blogs, put a link in the comments, because I'd like to explore this humanism-feminism topic more in depth at BlogHer on Thursday.
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I understand what your husband is saying. However, I don't think there should be any sort of competition among who has it worse. Domestic violence is terrible, period. I think that your husband has valid points about men being stigmatized. My response to there not being enough resources is that there needs to be more awareness that this is something that more money needs to go towards. I suspect there are many people who aren't aware that men can be victims of DV too. When I did my internship at a battered women's shelter, we did talk quite a bit about men who were abused, but your husband is right that there just aren't enough resources. There needs to be more education.
ReplyDeleteI think I could start logical arguments on both sides, but i just don't have the wherewithal to do that type of thing. This is why I generally stay out of discussions like this, especially with friends.
ReplyDelete:)
The sad fact is that most violence towards women come from men, while most violence towards men come from other men. Men are aggressive beings by nature. Testosterone causes aggressive behaviour and it is probably by design when men, since they are stronger by nature, had the job of going out into the wilds to procure food. To illustrate the testosterone part of male aggression, it has been noted that aggressive behaviour increases in female to male transsexuals when they start taking testosterone supplements.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I am not saying that men have an excuse due to the testosterone. We are a civilised society and our minds are developed enough to over come such animalistic behaviour. The main reason that men are as aggressive as they are is due to how men are socialised into society. Men are taught that aggressive behaviour is acceptable. In early childhood men are taught through play that it is OK to be aggressive, and that carries forward into adult games as well with boxing being one of the most aggressive and barbaric of them all.
I didn't write the following essay, and will only put the first few lines in, but it's a very good read. And it makes me very, very sad.
ReplyDelete"When my significant other and I read an article about a man in Africa being raped, it sparked a huge argument. It grew in intensity and volume until I pulled out the lowest blows I could muster in an effort to shut her up. I used our fledgling business and her own history of domestic abuse as weapons.
She turned out to be absolutely right. I have no empathy for women. But I sure could empathize with that man. "
Read the entire thing here:
http://www.xyonline.net/Iamawoman.shtml
Simply put, I agree with him.
ReplyDeleteBeing a female, this might sound strange however, I disagree with many feminist points of view or at least what I have known to come from the very few die hard feminist I have associated myself with. I agree with husband, every one, every where should be equal. There should be no gray area when it comes to the sexes, just as there should be no gray area when it comes to the races. Dividing our attention or resources for any one party versus lumping them all for the better of the whole seems pointless to me.
ReplyDeleteI think it is essential to place equal rights on both genders, not just women. However because of history (and current events in many countries), women are abused / second class citizens / has little or no rights compared to their men counterparts, I think it is fair to stress the importance of raising awareness and putting legislatures through that protect women.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe she was punished, and in such a horrific way...