My So-Called Sartorial History (No Pictures)

As I was falling asleep on Wednesday night, my mind drifted over to the closet at the other end of my room. Mostly I was thinking about the hideous white peasant shirt that I wore in that picture of myself from 1994 that I posted a few days ago, but somehow that brought me to my super favorite, long gone outfits from when I was in 5th grade.

{Time warp}
My mom and I are shopping at a low end department store. When I spot the pink sweatshirt covered with little hearts overlaid by a huge heart with a giant white cat head wearing a bow in the center, I know it must be mine. The matching pants also have little hearts all over them. In fact, I love the outfit so much, I also buy it in blue. On days that I feel especially daring, I can wear the blue shirt with the pink pants or vice versa. Awesome!!!
{Time warp back to present day}

As I reflect on the Gitano debacle, it occurs to me that I was sometimes, in fact, fashion forward in my Jewish white trash couture. The sweatshirt I am wearing at this very moment has an environmentally friendly message. At the top, it reads, "DO YOUR PART," and has six little scenes with Peanuts characters depicting green acts. The sweatshirt admonishes those staring at my chest to: "Pick up litter for a cleaner environment;" "Recycle to conserve;" "Carpool for cleaner air;" "Don't pollute for cleaner water;" "Plant trees for future forests;" and "Educate for worldwide awareness." If only it also mentioned "Vote for Al Gore to prevent global warming."

I picked this gem up in the early '90s at Venture, a Chicago-area chain store. Venture is like the poor man's Wal-Mart, if that makes any sense. (It doesn't, I know, but just go with me here.) As Venture's days dwindled, the store didn't even bother re-stocking shelves. Unfortunately, this phase lasted for years before it finally went out of business. (For reasons that befuddle me to this day, it was also my sister's favorite place to shop.) Before its painful demise, Venture had some bitchin' clothes. Now I like to think of it as the Target of the 1980s, but at the time I shopped there for outfits, it was way uncool to admit that you bought clothes there. I always lied to the snooty little assholes who asked me where I got my shirt, saying, "Oh, I think it was Marshall Field's." (For non-Chicagoans, Marshall Field's was a nice department store that Macy's recently took over and decimated.)

Anyway, thanks for sifting through another self-indulgent blog post. I hope it brought back equally amusing/horrifying childhood fashion memories of your own.