The Power of Three

My new online pal (although that sounds creepy, it is not meant to be) Sister Wolf has an excellent theory on the shaved snatch issue. She takes it one step further and integrates the social pressure on women to shave their pits (something I only comply with if I am wearing sleeveless shirts to work). I cannot say it any better than she already did, so I will just quote her.

Men love our bodies, but they must first overcome their fear and loathing of our V area, which in the adult woman is covered with hair. Eeow, get rid of that hair, it’s too scary! If we wax it off for you, though, it will look like a child’s V area, which is harmless. Not only that, a waxed V area is naked in a sad, vulnerable kind of way, like a sheared lamb. If you disagree with this last point, on aesthetic grounds, okay (you pederast!) but before I would wax my precious V, I would have to say: “First wax your balls, pal and then we’ll talk about it.” Finally, there is female armpit hair, the scariest sight you can impose upon any man in the Western hemisphere. If you’re a woman with unshaven armpits, you are a woman with THREE PUSSIES, and few men are up to that challenge. My husband however is one of them, I am happy to report. But the average man will react like a vampire faced with the sign of a cross.

I just love the bons mots Sister Wolf threw out there. The triangle of hair spots image I have in my head is just priceless. Maybe it is like the Bermuda triangle, where people have ventured and disappeared among the islands of pleasure in the Caribbean Sea. (Speaking of triangles, Husband has a triangle theory regarding relationships, which I shall share this week.)

I also appreciate the Sister’s ball waxing bargain, although as both Impossible Jane and The Explorer (who sent me a slate.com or salon.com article eons ago about “smoothies,” ie – hetero men with no body hair) point out, men are falling prey to the hairless sickness. It used to be safe to offer to wax the poon if your guy would wax his scrotum, but these days you never know if they will take you up on it. I don’t want to be forced to live up to my end of the deal.

Male or female, just leave all the hair in place or pubic lice will become homeless. I don’t think I could handle an epidemic of homeless crabs at this point in my life.