I Married a Lunatic, Part II: Photographic Evidence

For his birthday, Husband asked me for an orange bow tie and Mets suspenders. The suspenders were easy; I found them online at a place called Rainbow Connection (make what you will of the name). The bow tie was a bigger challenge. I found a perfectly hideous one at eBay. It was orange with blue polka dots, incorporating both of the Mets colors nicely, so I went with the buy it now option. A few days later, the fuckers told me that they didn't really have the damn bow tie and refunded me my money.

Unlike the Mets suspenders, no other internet purveyors popped up for orange bow ties. I pounded the pavement. Two days before Husband's birthday, I settled for a goldish orange bow tie and cumberbun combo from Today's Man (or Men's Warehouse, I forget). When I proudly presented him with the gift, Husband loved the suspenders but was not so enthusiastic about the damn bow tie.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Well, it's not really orange," he explained. "It's more gold." He looked crushed.

"OK, I'll try again."

A few days later, I happened to be on the Upper East Side for a visit to the Mt. Vernon Hotel Museum for my book about things to see and do in New York City that are off the beaten path. (It rocks, by the way.) On my way home, I stumbled into my arch nemesis department store, Bloomingdale's. I hate Bloomie's because the sales people tend to treat me as though they can barely stand the sight of me in their precious store, but I was desperate for the bow tie, and an orange bow tie strikes me as just the thing that rich fools with no taste would wear to Orange Bowl night at the club or something. I went in, and within minutes, found an orange bow tie with navy stripes. At $35, I almost didn't buy it, but then remembered that this was exactly what Husband wanted, even if I was offended at the price-per-usage ratio. (I mean, how often would he wear the damn thing?)

Anyway, to finally wrap this long story up, he was delighted with the bow tie. However, when we made a spur of the moment decision to attend a Mets game on Saturday night, the fact that he doesn't know how to tie a bow tie ensured that we didn't get there until the 4th inning. He looked very dashing in his outfit, though, and would have been ecstatic had the Mets not decided to put in a belly itcher not a pitcher, and thus lose the game by two.

(Fake mustache compliments of Husband and Photo Shop.) How can I not love him?