I've been meaning to blog about this for ages - and I'm sure I am not the first nor will I be the last - but what the fuck is with those scary Activia commercials? First Jamie Lee tells me that if I want "better digestion," I should eat Activia yogurt. But what is "better digestion?" Does it loosen up a constipated brick or plug up up a leaky diarrhea faucet? Does adding Activia's special cultures to my gut make my farts not smell like a small furry animal crawled up my ass, died, and is decomposing up there? If so, that would be great! (And I'd make Husband eat enormous quantities of Activia...) I need details, people!However, I suspect that there are no details because no one would eat Activia if they knew exactly how the "better digestion" works. This suspicion is fueled by the terrifying diagram that follows friendly Jamie Lee. A very fit torso appears on screen. Suddenly, little green circles gather excitedly, bumping off each other like some physics experience with atoms flying all over the place. Then, they coalesce into a big green arrow that points down. Well, what might be down there?
That's when it hits me that the ad is suggesting that "better digestion" happens when you shit through your vagina instead of anus. (Why else would the arrow point toward the cooter? It's not like this is some "educational" film for 12 year old girls that hints ever so politely that one day, blood might come out from down there.) If that is the case, I will stay far the fuck away from "better digestion." I've got enough problems without worrying about shit in my cooch. Nasty.
I am laughing so effing hard I can't even...finish...the...damn...post...
ReplyDeletetoo bad that that's actually a medical condition. i'm pretty sure it's not activia-related, though.
ReplyDeleterecto-vaginal fistula or something like that. really makes me not want to have kids.
i'd love to see this commercial to understand what you are actually talking about.
ReplyDeleteand it sounds like this torso with an arrow needs the services of a colorectal surgeon to fix the recto-vaginal fistula that you are describing. . .
say dr. p, are you a colo-rectal surgeon? any chance you're looking to relocate to the midwest (chicago-adjacent)? 'cause we are in desperate need here in iowa. just lost ours quite suddenly due working herself to exhaustion after about 30 years.
ReplyDeleteA"ctivia - for bigger and better fistulas!" I hope that is not what they meant!
ReplyDeleteLmao! I've not seen that commercial, but I'll keep away from the stuff.
ReplyDeleteMar: If I understand correctly, it's really rare in developed countries. It's most common in women who refuse c-sections. Even if it does happen, it can usually be corrected with a simple surgery. If you want children, don't let that fear stop you!
I can think of plenty of other reasons though, if you needed some...
Actually I heard the same thing Anna said on Oprah a number of years ago. When I went to the probiotics meeting, the women who ran it was not all impressed by Activia. My cousin swears by it though. Personally I prefer my Greek yogurt. I have enough things to worry about without adding any cooters crap problems to it!
ReplyDeleteHey, I want to be able to crap through my vagina! As long as I could decide when. That way, if there's some guy I don't reallllly want down there, I could just go 'see this??' and he'd run away screaming.
ReplyDeletemar, yes, i am a CR surgeon - still in training. will be relocating in about a year. if i end up in chicago, i'll have suz let you know...
ReplyDeleteand i wouldn't wish rectovaginal fistulas on anyone.
now i have to go see what activia has to do with any of this.
I had to link to this post because I snarfed my Activia reading it. Not really, but I woulda. You made my day.
ReplyDeleteDee