Balls Abound

Last night I went to a Met vs. Cubs game with the Waxer, the Waxer’s Sister, and Husband. I love going to these games because they are usually a win-win situation for me: I consider both the Cubs and the Mets to be my home teams. In the last two years, however, the Cubs have seriously pissed me off with their shitty coaching, management, and play; this year, the Mets are smokin’, so I was a bit surprised to find myself solely rooting for the Mets. Unfortunately, they lost, so that was a bummer. (Almost the non-perfect ending to a crappy day, really.) The company was fantastic, though, and I had a great time.

At the end of the game, we expected to be smooshed on the subway as 40,000 or so people streamed out of Shea Stadium. Imagine our delight when we not only secured seats, but no one was standing in the middle area. (Unlike my commute to Shea, when a woman with a ginormous ass was standing behind me and for some reason stood about a foot away from the pole she clung to, which meant that she was rubbing up against my butt. Fucking annoying.) This meant that I had a clear view of the people sitting across from me, who happened to be two 10 year old boys. (Husband thought they were 12, but I estimate only 10.) One boy was hiding two quarters in and under various body parts, including his balls. I was mortified. What the fuck was this kid trying to do, get me arrested? As I was sitting directly across from him, my gaze unwillingly was drawn to his quick motions as he jerked his shorts away from his body and stuffed the coins under his black underwear. The other kid laughed. I swear that the kid next stuck a quarter in each of his ears (which Husband was disturbingly impressed by), and then pulled out the waxy bastards and shoved them under his ass, then back on his balls. His dad just sat there next to him, not noticing a thing.

One day, some innocent and trusting soul will have those quarters next. Beware!!!