My Heroine

As I was paging through July 23 issue of the New York Times Magazine, which has a devastating cover story on foster care, adoption, and parental rights, I came across the most hilarious ad I have seen in ages. This was important because I was super depressed after reading the article and hating the world and feeling extra helpless about my ability to make it a better place, so the comic relief was more welcome than ever. The ad said (lack of punctuation is a direct copy of the ad, not a typo):

It is amazing that an actress like Amanda who spent so much time getting noticed invented a product that is meant to be invisible. She spent 11 years guest starring in such shows as Cheers, Remington Steele, Dallas and Hart to Hart, but as she tiptoed into her 40’s, she realized that her clothes did not look so sleek anymore. Her uncomfortable bra accentuated every bulge. Back bulge is not a woman’s fault – it’s the bra. Amanda poured herself into helping greater womanhood, not the few who may be blessed with a near perfect shape.

This is comic gold. I wish I had written it as part of some satire about a z-list actress who gains weight and finds a new way to be self-important despite the fact that she never was that important to start. Sadly, it is not brilliant satire nor made up by me. There is so much mockable material that it makes me positively gleeful.

My second favorite part is Amanda Kennedy’s dedication to helping the rest of us fat slobs (i.e. – not size 2 or smaller) once she herself gained weight. I also love that she blames having a fat back on the bra. Not that I do not disagree that some bras make the situation worse, but my suggestion is to get a bra that is not too small for you. It didn’t require inventing Sassybax (the miracle product in the ad). My absolute favorite part is that she seems to think that her dedication to eliminating back bulge is some fort of heroic effort.

Oh damn. That shit is funny. You can’t make it up.