Yesterday I had about 500 hits from people looking for Britney Spear’s waxed-but-stubbly beaver. Honestly, it sort of creeps me out. Not to worry, though – no one stayed to read the rest of my rants. It was all wham, bam, thank you for the link ma’am!
On another waxed snatch topic, I decided that while “slit and slat” is still a funny way to describe a Brazilian wax job, I like “snatch and hatch” much better. I already submitted “slit and slat” to UrbanDictionary for consideration, but I shall also go forth with “snatch and hatch.” When I submitted my first suggestion, I also signed up to receive their word of the day. This should bring many fractured gems to my inbox; blood diamonds of a different type, if you will.
As I was telling Husband about my new terms for Brazilian waxing, he reminded me that some time ago I came up with a great new comedy show. It’s about a waxing salon that opens in a war-torn area of the Middle East to help Westernize the women and “empowers” them. Much If set in Palestine, the salon (and show) will be called The Gaza Strip. If set in Iraq, it will be The Sunni Triangle. Side-splitting, is it not? What scares me a bit is that I could almost see a network thinking it would be a good idea, sort of like that awful show about Whoopi Goldberg running a hotel. I forgot what that was called.
Sadly, I myself must face the blade later today. Husband and I are going to his alumni dance tonight. It’s fancy and shit, so I gotta look respectable. That means no tufts of pit hair hanging out of my gown. Fortunately, I don’t have to bother with the wookie-like hair on my legs, as whichever bridesmaid dress I wear (either from Sister’s wedding or Elli’s wedding, depending on which looks less bulgy on me) will be ankle length.
Also, I hope to construct my Victoria’s Secret body double today, but it may need to wait until tomorrow. Either way, hilarious pictures of the process and final product will be shared.
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Hahahahaha. But dontcha hate when the leg hair gets pulled by the nylons? You don't realize it until you are taking the nylons off and it's practically a waxing in itself.
ReplyDeleteLove the hirsute Middle East sitcom. Could there be a hairy character who waxes everything and ends up with little red spots and pimples everywhere?
Also, I hope you are not offended if I copy you and do a body double also. At this point I am the inverse of a Victoria's Secret model: very little chest and very much belly. I am also not airbrushed.
Oh well.
With total admiration and a wicked lot of body hair-
Lucy
You're conforming? You're shaving the pits? tsk tsk. Now the man-centric world has a foothold on you. Next you'll be wearing bikins and growing out your long blond hair and giggling uncontrollably when some dunken frat guy does a really bad job of hitting on you.
ReplyDeleteLol! I had the misfortunate to stumble across some of those pictures yesterday... and I wasn't even looking for them. :)
ReplyDeleteHope you have fun at the party!
The odd thing, of course, is that the Koran requires both men and women to remove all body hair below the collarline, never letting it grow for more than 40 days.
ReplyDeleteAnd some other huge fraction of the world's population shaves below the collar as well though it's not about sex. Instead it's about managing bugs and rashes.
By most accounts shaving to control lice, cooties (a real bug, by the way) and other bodily parasites was pretty common among American pioneers. I've mentioned this before in my blog somewhere but I happened to be reading the "Little House on the Prairie" series to my son when I learned about it and two thoughts went through my head: first that the prim Ma and Pa Engalls almost certainly shaved on Saturday night bath-time and second that it helped explain the John Wayne-style cowboy swagger.
Personally I'm *not* an advocate of general shaving (though, of course, like almost all men I shave my face daily.) But when you think about it it's actually kind of a luxury that we can think about not having to.
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Just to be clear, I acknowledge that, given that we *have* a choice, any pressure that takes the choice away is problematic.
Also, at least pubic shaving isn't as exclusively a women's issue as, say, leg or armpit shaving. For an unusal change, men are coming under pressure to trim or shave as well. (Sauce for the gander, I guess.)
Good focus topic for a blog, Suzanne,
figleaf
Whenever I had a "no pit hair allowed" dressup moment.... I would opt for the little jackety thing over a dress. That worked okay. Of course usually I would forget all about it and take off the jackety thing and sweatily cross my arms behind my head.
ReplyDeleteI say "Would" because at this point I just really ultra mega don't care no matter what the event is.