Do not try this at home (or anywhere)

I once unintentionally wound up with a bikini wax. I was going to Buenos Aires and didn’t want to worry about shaving my legs while I was there, so I booked an appointment at a spa/salon. I didn’t know any better, so I asked for the full leg. As I learned, a “full leg” includes a very intimate bikini wax. I was a little suspicious when the waxer asked me to change into a ridiculous tiny, see-through g-string thing. I asked why and she said it was so that wax wouldn’t get on my undies. This made sense, so even though I felt like an exposed idiot with my fat hanging out over and under the g-string and my hair hanging out everywhere else, I went along with it. To whit: hot melted wax was then smeared on my pubes, allowed to harden, and then yanked out by the root. I did not expect this, and asked what the fuck she was doing. (In reality, I asked very nicely. You do not yell at someone pouring hot wax on your crotch area.) She explained that it is hard to tell where a leg ends and crotch begins, so the full leg procedure includes the bikini line and a little more. It was pretty damn clear to me where my leg stopped and my private business began, but I had to plead with her to leave my cootch alone. I swore I’d pay for the full procedure, but she had to make the agony stop. At least after that I knew why she looked so extra horrified when I took my pants off. I guess she knew what a nightmare she was in for in trying to make me look acceptable to society.