It's a Bird, it's a Plane... It's Super Fucker!

My return trip from Paris caused me to question all those letters to Penthouse Forum boasting of hot encounters on planes and belonging to the mile high club. I’m not sure that anyone who is not some sort of contortionist actually could join the mile high club. Anyone who flies economy class knows that the seats are ridiculously close together, so it would be very hard to get it on with someone and not involve the people around you (although I guess that would then become a mile high club threesome or orgy, which I suppose some people would not mind at all). You could try and get away with your partner and slip into the plane bathroom for some action. But bathrooms on commercial aircraft are barely big enough for one person. Currently, I am not very large, and even standing in the bathroom I find that there is barely enough room for a midget to fit in with me. Even a midget and a petite woman would find that there’s not very much room to maneuver around for boot knocking to happen. (Maybe two midgets could have sex in an airplane bathroom; there might be enough room for that...) I suppose two standard size adults could do it if one sat down on the toilet and the other person on his lap. Somehow letters to Penthouse Forum about chance encounters on airplanes never seem to mention sitting on the porcelain throne as part of the action.

At any rate, even if you can fit into an airplane bathroom with someone else, I have noticed that they tend to reek. Not exactly like a sewer, but a different gross fecund smell, a bit milder. I try to breathe as little as I can while I use the facilities of an airplane and get out as quickly as possible before I pass out. This may then be perfect for someone who engages in autoerotic asphyxiation (i.e. - denies himself oxygen to heighten his orgasm), but does masturbating in the bathroom of a plane allow you to count yourself as a member of the mile high club? I think not.

A final problem with sex in airplane bathrooms, whether alone or with another person, is the other passengers. While some people could not care less what other people think when they see two adults going into a lavatory together, I noticed that lines for the crapper can get pretty long when someone takes his sweet time to do his business. People waiting start to get very cranky. (Or maybe it’s just me; I’ve come damn close to trying to kick the door in and find out what the hell was taking so long in there.) The flight attendants get all annoyed by the hordes of people blocking the aisles as they wait to relieve themselves. Violence could easily break out if it was known that people were in there having sex. Not only are people with legitimate needs forced to wait to use a room that is tiny and stinky at best, but it’s now jizzy on top of that. Also, there’s the danger of injury during turbulence.

So, unless the dual prospects of stench and violence turn you on, I just don’t see how anyone could find these good conditions to have great sex.