Ya de de de de de de yadi dadi di

One of the things I hate most about the subway is the assholes who stand in the subway car doors and refuse to move to let people on or off.  Depending on my mood, I will either shove by them as rudely as possible while muttering about how I hope that they fall onto the subway tracks and get run over and die a bloody death or I will just mutter about how I hope that they fall onto the subway tracks and get run over and die a bloody death.  However, today I was most pleasantly surprised when the burly and surly looking young man loitering in the doorway before the train came to a stop immediately stepped out and moved to the side when the doors opened, allowing traffic to flow.  I decided that if I were rich, I would give him $20 to reward him for his good behavior.  In fact, I’d give everyone $20 for stepping aside, and hopefully word would spread that some rich lady was giving out $20 if you step aside and thus everyone would do so in the hope that I am on the train ready to reward them.

I know that you are thinking that this could never happen because if I were that rich, I wouldn’t be riding the subway in the first place.  But that is simply not true.  Anyone who has ever been stuck in a traffic jam in Manhattan during rush hour knows that it is much faster and easier to get around on the subway, even if you are jammed into the armpit of the stranger holding onto the pole over your head as more and more people cram in.  So I’d still ride the subway, but I’d have to do it in various disguises (like a food critic eating out) so that people wouldn’t just behave when they saw me.  Damn, that’d be great.