I SWoUR to Protect My Ass - Now You Can Protect Yours Too!

I am trying to do a public service and help women avoid potential embarrassment with my CUSS and its sister campaign, Sensible Women’s Undergarments Rule (SWoUR - pronounced swore) . SWoUR and CUSS are clearly linked missions: if women wore sensible undergarments, they would not need to shave their snatches so that they don’t have hair ruining the cooch pouch effect. Also, if women wore sensible underwear, more blood might circulate to their heads and they would realize that men who demand that they shave their crotches to look like pre-teens are gross. And cruel. Particularly if said men do not also shave their balls, which to be very honest, are hairy and 50 million times grosser than the hairiest vulva, if there are even such things as hairy vulvas.

Anyway, an alert member of SWoUR (that would be me, the only current member obviously, but I do welcome anyone who wants to join) was watching TV at the gym a few evenings ago when a little blurb on “Most Embarrassing Celebrity Moments” on VH1 came on. I was not actually watching this show, but the TV was next to the TV I was watching (“Wheel of Fortune,” thank you very much) and when a model was strutting down the runway, stepped on her long skirt, pulled it off as she walked, and exposed her entire ass to the world, I could not help but notice. I think the model was Miss Universe, but I’m not sure. Anyway, had she been a member of SWoUr and wearing sensible garments and not a teeny red thong, her embarrassment would have been a bit less. As it was, she put her hands over her butt and and booked it back stage. She seemed to have a good sense of humor about it, but as VH1s witty professional hilarious commentator remarked, she has a fairly perfect ass.

My point is that most women are not Miss Universe and would be beyond mortified if this type of mishap occurred to them. I know I have certainly accidentally stepped on the hem of some of the long skirts that I own. Fortunately, I didn’t pull it off, but merely fell on my face instead. (Whew!) So be warned ladies: this could happen to you! Join SWoUR now and have better coverage just in case your skirt accidentally falls off in public. It can happen.