Biological Weapon of Mass Distruction

A few days ago, I was at a meeting with some other do-gooder advocates discussing ways to fix some policy flaws that have plagued New York City for years. All day long, my gut had been churning, but of course there were no real problems until the meeting began. As lethal gas slowly leaked out of my ass, all I could think about was how unfortunate it would be if I suffocated the entire group and stymied the best chance for change that I’ve seen in a long time.

That led me to remember a big national meeting of advocates that I went to in November 2004. The second day of the meeting, I broke out in Hep A. I began to suspect that I was some unwitting plant the Bush administration used to take down the who’s who of do-gooder advocates in my field. I mean, what the fuck was I doing there in the first place? I was the youngest by at least 10 years and way out of my league. Then I learned I wasn’t contagious once I showed symptoms, and I remembered that the Bush administration could care less about my field anyway, since we have no power or money or junkets to offer.