Man, if This Idea Doesn't Make Me Famous, Nothing Will

I am very excited! I just came up with a really great new game show concept involving Sen. Bill Frist, MD. (Quick note: my idea came as I was reflecting on this previous post, It's Nice to Know that People Care, so while it is slightly untimely in terms of politics, that's what got me thinking.)

Basically, people with real medical problems (“contestants”) will send Sen. Frist, MD a videotape of themselves exhibiting classic symptoms associated with a known medical ailment. Sen. Frist, MD (and the audience at home) will the view the tape. As he watches the tape, Sen. Frist, MD will comment on what he is seeing, making statements such as, “Bloody diarrhea – that is a classic symptom of e. coli and also shigellosis. Or it could just be severe dehydration.” Perhaps another medical expert could provide the audience with counter analysis and for fun, a lay person could also throw out ideas like, “Man, I once had diarrhea so bad it made my ass bleed because I had to wipe so much.” At the end of the episode, Sen. Frist, MD will summarize the symptoms (opportunity for cool graphics alert!) and give a diagnosis on a set designed to look like the Senate floor. If he is incorrect, the contestant loses. If Sen. Frist, MD is correct, the contestant wins a year on the Senate health insurance plan and some other small prizes, like a year of free bandages or Immodium AD or something tied into the illness.

The genius of the game is that the odds are very high that Sen. Frist, MD will not figure out what is wrong with the contestant, so it will not cost much to produce because very few people will win a year of coverage from the Senate health insurance plan, which is expensive. The other nice aspect of the game show, “Stump Sen. Bill Frist, MD,” is that it will give him something to do when he loses the Presidential election (I hope) in 2008, if he even gets as far as being nominated as the Republican candidate.

It would be even better if I could get him to quit the Senate now to be on the show. I’ll explain he’ll get more face and name recognition if he is on a popular TV show before the primaries, which can help him since Americans seem to like voting for people who fuck up all the time. The real benefit to America is that if he is on TV, he will stop creating public policy, at which his skills rival his ability to diagnose ailments after watching a video. (His policies result in literal and figurative bloody diarrhea.)

At any rate, the show will combine the gross out factor and mystery solving excitement of CSI with the lump-in-my-throat emotions of a reality show like Home Makeover or Three Wishes that helps (white) people in need, and crosses it with the will-he-win-or-lose anticipation of a high stakes game show. Perhaps Joe Rogan can host. It is going to be a huge hit, I tell you. Huge!