Like, oh my God! Today, I so went to Wal-Mart and it was awesome. Everyone who works there is so happy, right? As soon as I went in the store, I was greeted by the nice man who was laid off from his previous job in which he made a decent living and who now drives 40 miles each way so he can work at Wal-Mart for minimum wage and all that. His smile is sooooo big, though! It totally can’t be just from gritting his teeth.
I wanted to get a tub of wax so that I could remove my nasty pubes and look feminine and sexy and all hott. Just like Paris Hilton in that video. I couldn’t find what I was looking for, so I asked the nice stockgirl who they repeatedly lock in the store overnight. She looked kind of tired, but she smiled a lot, too. Those low prices at Wal-Mart sure make people happy to work there for a pittance!
Anyway, speaking of low prices, I wanted a hott new thong so I could show off my hott prepubescent body, you know? Wal-Mart has the most awesome prices on thongs and other panties since they strong arm their suppliers into selling them items at unsustainably low prices or shut them out of the market altogether. As a result, only the most thrifty companies can stay in business. It really provides great opportunities for kids at sweatshops in China and Bangladesh to earn a couple of dollars a year for full-time labor. Sure the panties fall apart after a few washes, but who really expects quality these days? It’s sooooo old fashioned.
Anyway, the cashier who checked me out has been there for years. I heard she just got a 10 cent per hour raise! Shit, she’s like fuckin’ rich now, ya know? Maybe she’ll use it to fix her teeth. She was told she could never advance no matter how hard she worked because she’s too ugly with those snaggly teeth and all. Sure, Wal-Mart doesn’t provide health insurance, but they try to help employees with that by giving them Medicaid forms to fill out and stuff. It’s nice that they help employees get taxpayer-funded insurance. I mean, what more could people want, right?
OK, I’m off like a light. Thank God there’s a Wal-Mart nearby so I can get the supplies I need to be the best little woman I can! One stop shopping is the best! I mean, who needs stores owned by people in the community and all that!?!? Right?
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damn, girl! Blog Against Corporate Bullshit Day is TOMORROW! you are always so ahead of the curve, and that is why we love you.
ReplyDeleteFUCK!!! I so did not know that or else I would have waited until tomorrow with this. Phooey! Now I need to think of something else. Sadly, there's so much fodder out there, it should not be too hard.
ReplyDeleteThanks for letting me know!