Baaaa-d Idea

This story is actually sad because at its heart, it is a story about an elderly woman getting badly scammed. That elderly woman happens to be my bubbe, so of course it ends with something insane, although it is still a depressing tale.

Several months ago, some fucking asshole convinced my bubbe to buy a Bowron sheepskin bedding set. Since I have never heard of these things before, I looked it up online. Bowron is some sort of New Zealand company that sells, oddly enough for a company in New Zealand, sheepskin rugs, bedding, and other sheep products. It seems that the set my bubbe bought for over $1,000 (yes, you read that right – one thousand dollars) consists of an “underlay,” which may or may not be a mattress (I can’t tell from my internet research) and a duvet. One online Bowron bedding seller describes the “underlay” thusly:

Experience what thousands of others are discovering - one of the oldest and most natural materials known to mankind can enhance your comfort and improve your well-being.

Warm in Winter, cool in Summer - millions of resilient springy fibres - supporting your body, giving you the comfort you need for a better night's sleep so that you wake up rested and ready to enjoy life to the full.

Genuine sheepskin encourages good health and can help improve quality of life by:
-providing a natural solution for problem sleepers
-encouraging good circulation, helping muscle relaxation and avoiding chills
-soothing pain experienced by sufferers of rheumatism, sciatica and backache
-giving added comfort to those confined to one position for long periods of time.

Your underlay supports you on a cushion of millions of resilient springy fibres through which air continuously circulates, naturally eliminating pressure points which could cause restlessness. Wool's ability to absorb moisture without feeling damp keeps you dry and fresh and due to the natural lanolin in pure wool your underlay feels marvellously soft against your skin. The wool fibres allow a continual circulation of air, keeping the temperature constant and assisting wool's ability to absorb excess moisture.

(This same vendor, incidentally, sells the underlay for $624.40 and the duvet for $80.65, which when I do the math, adds up to significantly less than $1,000.)

Anyway, the crook who sold the set to my bubbe also told her that it is important to sleep naked in this bedding. She began to do so, and raved to my parents about how comfortable it was. That is until two months later, when she randomly decided that she is allergic to wool and could no longer use it. This is the sad part of the story.

Now comes the insane part. In March, my bubbe called me up on my cell phone while I was walking to the subway. She told me that since she no longer uses the bed, she wanted to sell it online. She asked me to place an ad on “the internet.” (She meant Craig’s List, which I used successfully in the fall to sell her car for her.)

I tried to explain to my bubbe that people do not buy used bedding, particularly used bedding that requires dry cleaning and has been slept on by a naked person. I said that it was too gross. Nope, she insisted that since this bedding is so expensive, people will jump at the opportunity to get it cheap. She wanted to know how much to ask for it. I told my bubbe to take the best offer, as I was sure that no one was going to want it at all. And back and forth we went.

The whole conversation took place while I was on the sidewalk. As I was telling my bubbe for the umpteenth time that people do not buy used bedding, a middle-aged guy walking in front of me turned around. He said, “Definitely used bedding is gross. No one will buy it.” She didn’t believe him, either. So, anyone want some used sheepskin bedding for cheap? Sigh.