The Great Thong Trap

For months now, I have been pondering why on earth the sport shop in my gym sells $18-$25 Cosabella thongs and g-strings along with yoga pants, sports bras, and tank tops. Forget even that wearing a g-string or thong while working out is insane. Who would want to wear a pair of $20 underwear mesh/other synthetic material to work out and sweat in? It sounds ruinous, both to the underwear and the wearer.

Finally, I figured it out. The crafty shop does not sell the pricey lingerie for people to wear when they work out. That would be stupid. Instead, it peddles them to people who plan to shower and change at the gym when their workouts are done, but who forgot to bring a change of underwear with them. Really, it is brilliant! The gym has a captive and potentially desperate audience. If someone is in a hurry to get elsewhere from the gym, what are her choices?

1. Go commando


2. Wear sweaty smelly underwear


3. Resign self to paying crazy amount of money for fancy piece of string worn in ass.

As I wrote several months ago, I once found myself in this situation. I was at a conference in downtown Chicago and planned to go to the gym straight after my workshop. As I was fiddling in my bag on the way over, I realized that I packed everything but a change of drawers. Fortunately for me, Water Tower Mall was right across the street, and Lord & Taylor was having a big sale. I was able to scoop these up for a mere $3.00:The downside was that I was not able to wash my new undies before wearing them. Still, I felt it was the best option that I had. I would have been so pissed if the only other non-stinky underwear available to me were crazy expensive thongs.