Exciting New Non-Thong Underwear Purchases!

While Husband and I were in Worcester, MA at the end of February for my friend's 30th birthday party, we stopped by a Target to do some shopping. (I know that I am supposed to be boycotting Target since they let pharmacists violate my rights by imposing their religious beliefs on me by refusing to fill birth control/emergency contraceptive prescriptions, but it was very convenient...) I happened by the underwear section and I noticed that Hanes had a new cute style of undies they call Hipsters. Hipsters are some sort of cross between briefs and boy shorts. The price was right, too: four pairs for under $7.00. The leg holes are only minorly elasticized, which I think my mother might even appreciate. (She hates tight elastic bands.) The only bad thing about them is that two of the four pair have hideous patterns. Below, Theo models one of the cuter, albeit extremely bright, colors:I also recently invested in some new granny underwear. I have long appreciated granny underwear when it is time to wear dresses. Basically, lower cut underwear like bikinis or low rise tend to create a second belly bulge because of where and how they lie on my gut. This looks like shit in a dress, but I can avoid the double bulge by wearing granny undies that come up high on my waist and thus create a smoother line.

I only had one pair of granny undies left from my fat days (on Theo, below), so I went to Duane Reade two weeks ago and bought a pack of three pair of new granny undies. Cost: under $6.00! The colors are all semi-dark versions of pastels, which I like. Unlike the fluorescent Hipsters, there is no risk of being blinded when I put them on in the morning. The problem is that I bought a size too big. I didn’t realize that granny undies are cut a size bigger than Hipsters. While they are clearly weighing Theo down (below), I decided that while they are big, they are not nearly as big as the older pair I have, nor are they so big that they are baggy on me, and it is nice to have underwear that are not tight.:I plan to wear these to my friend's wedding on May 6. Yep, that's the kind of exciting life I lead: I plan my underwear schedule weeks in advance.