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Husband emailed me with a super important news article this morning:

New ring around Uranus is blue, scientists find

If you are hard at work and don't have time to read this critical article about Uranus, I have excerpted the most important parts and provided commentary for you below.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The newly discovered outer ring of Uranus is bright blue, for the same reason the Earth's sky is blue -- it is made up of tiny particles, astronomers said on Thursday...

I think astronomers are a little confused. Particles around any anus, including Uranus and mine, are probably brown. Those same particles are the reason it is important to close the toilet lid before you flush. If you don't the brown particles are sprayed around the bathroom.

Like Saturn's ring, the Uranus ring also has a small moon in it, called Mab. But Mab is too small and too cold to be spewing a geyser of ice that contributes to the ring as Enceladus is now believed to be doing.

Again, scientists surprise me with their findings. I would suspect any object in Uranus's ring would be very warm, and not always small depending on what you ate a few hours before it appears. Once in a while, my anus spews a shit geyser, so it does make sense that Uranus does not spew ice. If Uranus does, I'd suggest seeing a gastrointestinal professional immediately!

"The outer ring of Saturn is blue and has Enceladus right smack at its brightest spot, and Uranus is strikingly similar, with its blue ring right on top of Mab's orbit," said Imke de Pater, a professor of astronomy at the University of California Berkeley, who helped lead the study.

"I think there is no chance that the blue ring is caused by geyser activity," added de Pater, whose report is published in Friday's issue of the journal Science.

No shit! We already know that Uranus's ring would absolutely be brown if caused by geyser activity!!!! There's plenty of empirical evidence on underwear around the country for that.

"We don't know what the composition of the particles is."

These scientists must have been hired by the Bush administration. Most medical professionals and lay people know exactly what the composition of people's 'anus particles are.

Mab is probably covered with water ice, like the other moons of Uranus, but that has nothing to do with the ring's color, said de Pater.

"They are blue because they are tiny particles," De Pater said in a telephone interview.

Hmmm... maybe only the big particles are borwn.

Most other rings around planets in the solar system are red, because of the size of their particles. This is why Uranus's outer ring was missed for so long -- scientists were looking for it in the infrared light spectrum...

All I can do is laugh hysterically at the folly of looking for Uranus's ring with an infrared light spectrum. Clearly, a colonoscopy would have discovered it much more quickly, if not a short-term study of the underwear of sloppy wipers.

...Rings are always easier to see when they are edge-on, de Pater said. "The interesting thing with Uranus is that in 2007 the rings will appear edge-on," she said.

I don't realize the rings of Uranus were related to hard-ons, but then again, Future Dr. H did remind me that more Americans engage in anal sex than reported.

And there you have all the hard hitting news you need for today.