Did Someone Fart in Here or Am I Smelling My Own Hands?

At lunchtime today I went with my co-worker to Bath & Body Works. She wanted to buy some yummy smelling lotion and soap for a woman at her church and also restock her supply. While she picked out all the proper bottles and tubes, I wandered around the store in horror. (I just don’t understand why anyone would pay $12 for an 8 oz. bottle of honeysuckle soap or $24 for a 24 oz. vat of “aromatherapy” soap, although I did think the packaging was quite attractive on the “aromatherapy” stuff.) I tried to be patient and wait for V. like a good girl, but after awhile, I could not resist the urge to touch things. I touched a tin of orange mint foot balm which smelled like it would taste really good. (No, no Suzanne!) I popped open caps on shower gels and inhaled. I sprayed various perfumey concoctions in the air and then sniffed the general area where I thought it might smell. I’m sure I looked crazy as I sniffed the air, but I refused to spray myself and reek for the rest of the day. Plus, as I wanted to smell a bunch of different sprays, I couldn’t spray myself or they would get all jumbled up.

As V. was paying, I decided that my hands were slightly dry and that I should try some lotion. I grabbed a tester for eucalyptus and mint lotion, which the label claimed was “relaxing.” Unfortunately, I squeezed out three times the amount I needed on accident. I tried to put the excess lotion back in the tube, but when I screwed the lid off the tube to do so, I realized that the tube had a very small hole and I couldn’t squeeze the ginormous plop of lotion in my hand back into it. Since I did not see any tissues in the store, I was forced to smear the lotion on the inside of the cap, screw it back on, and hope for the best for the next tester.

The other problem with the lotion was that my hands reeked for the next several hours. And sort of itched. Nor did I find the scent remotely relaxing, but rather nauseating. I tried very hard to ignore it, but eventually I was forced to run into the bathroom and wash my hands using the gross cheap neon pink smelly soap in the dispenser to get rid of the stinking hand lotion. Now they carry the combined fragrance of nasty crappy soap and expensive perfumed lotion. Peeee-eewwww. Reminder to self: do not touch the expensive smelly products.