G-String Side Effects

Britney Spears wears g-strings/thongs. Xtina wears g-strings/thongs. They dance around a lot on stage and their asses look fine. No one feared all the jiggling would lead to earthquake-like consequences as the earth shook. They also have personal trainers and ridiculously tiny and taut bodies. I do not. I seem to have in fact caused the metal button on my pants to snap apart today, leaving me to hold my pants closed with two binder clips. How disastrous would it be if of all days, today was the day my pants fell down, exposing my ass to the horrified general public? How sad would it be if it happened at work and I was fired for indecency that goes above and beyond my usual low standards of behavior at the office?

Back to Britney. Several post-baby photos of her have appeared in magazines and overall I’d have to say she looks like a normal healthy person. If she had a post-birth tummy tuck (as Demi Moore and other celebs have definitely had done), they did a bad job since her body looks like mine (average) with a slightly flatter lower gut and much bigger boobs. However, I’m not sure what happened to her face. It appears very large, as if it had expanded onto her neck. Sometime in October, I blogged that I was taking a new medicine with a potential side effect of “enlarged face.” Britney’s current look is exactly how I pictured this would look. Disturbing. Perhaps she is also on Entocort EC. Or maybe her g-string is too tight, and blood is trapped in her upper body, swelling her head.