These are a Few of My Favorite Undies - Victoria's Secret

There is nothing shameful in owning undies from Victoria's Secret, even if their models create unrealistic expectations - that's what models are supposed to do. Anyway, I own several pairs and one lightly padded bra (and used to own a lot of Victoria's Secret bras way back in college, which I discovered still in my dresser and childhood bedroom and which will appear here in the future).

I got a coupon in the mail for a free pair of seamless underwear from a new line that they rolled out several years ago. I love free things, so I rolled in and picked these up. They're a weird lycra blend and I try to never wear them to the gym because they don't absorb sweat as well as cotton, and for reasons I don't understand, my crotch sweats like a mad motherfucker. (I'm sure you all wanted to know that, but it is true and explains my love for cotton undies.) These are also slighly oddly sized regular briefs. Anyway, I got another coupon for free undies from this product line from Victoria's Secret, and got a pair of bikinis in white. They too are oddly sized. In fact, despite the clear labeling on each pair which says one is a bikini and the other a full brief, they are the same size. Whatever. They were free, so I'm not really complaining, even if it seems like I am. Theo finds them adequate, by the way.



These are actually my favorite style from Victoria's Secret - low rise bikini underwear. I have three total pair, the maroon pair at left so dashingly modeled by Theo, a pink pair (I seem to have a lot of pink underwear), and a gray pair. I look nowhere are appealing in them as Theo does. They are really too low and my gut dwarfs them. But the are comfy, cotton, and mostly cover my ass, so that is good. They also tuck nicely into low rise pants, as low rise underwear should. My main complaint is that when I bend over in low rise pants with such low rise underwear, I look a lot like the plumber from "Saturday Night Live" skits in the 1970s, albeit with far less ass hair. Too much crack though.

Literally these are the worst underwear I can imagine. They look like shit on poor Theo, who was a good sport and agreed to appear on the internet in them anyway, and they look worse on me. At least theo looks like he merely has two garbage bags attached to his front and back. I have fat bulging out everywhere. Unfortunately, I have three pairs of these: the charming leafy print shown at left (which I also have a pair of briefs in, I just realized, thus I have more pictures to take), a red pair, and a blue pair I am wearing at this very second. I really hate them. I wear them anyway since I spent good money on them, but can't wait until they develop a big hole so I can trash them without feeling guilty. The only plus is that they are all cotton.

Damn, I now remembered that I have some regular bikini undies from Victoria's Secret as well as the regular cotten briefs. So stay tuned for a second Suzanne's Victoria's Secret Underwear fashion show.