Thank God We've Found Cures for All Serious Diseases, or Else How Could We Use Resources for Silly Surgeries

One of my always delightful colleagues told me about a small tem he read on Slate.com today about the increasing popularity of "virginity restoration surgery" and "vagina tightening." These charming procedures are undertaken by women to please their husbands, often as anniversary gifts. They cost anywhere between $2,000-$5,000, and doctors are happy to set up financing plans. I love the fact that thousands of low-income women who need surgery because of uterine, cervical, or breast cancer die every year because they can't afford it, but that our medical profession is always looking out for the best interests of all women by helping us have more pleasing twats.

It is actually quite ironic that this came up because I was just at my biannual appointment with the breast surgeon for a check up. (My mom had breast cancer when she was 33, so I gotta be extra careful.) Happily, the titties are fine. However, I was reading a magaine (Women's Health and Fitness) while I waited over an hour for the fuck ups at the radiology place to fax the correct paperwork to the doctor. (Paperwork they were supposed to give me when I picked up my films last night.) Anyway, there was a full page add for doctorssayyes.com, a website referring women who need plastic surgery of any type to kind, generous doctors who are willing to finance these utterly unnecessary procedures to "help" women live better lives. Again, I love that doctors won't fucking finance a life saving procedure, but god forbid you should have the curse of small boobs and not be able to cope with it like an adult and feel that your entirely life will literally change for the best if you get giant tits or lips, suck the fat off your ass or belly, or reshape your vagina, of course they will help. This type of surgery is for true emergencies. Especially for 16 year olds who are getting breast implants.

I want to know why doctors haven't come up with brain restoration surgery. Any woman who would have her vagina tightened or a fake hymen put into her to please a guy is clearly in medical need of thinking skills. As for the doctors (frequently, but not always, male) who prey upon these fucked up socially created insecurities, they should lose their medical licenses immediately. Since when does "do no harm" mean cutting people up and inserting crap into a healthy body for no medically necessary reason?

I can't wait to pack up my granny undies and Theo and move into a cave where I don't have to live in a society where I am considered strange and "judgmental" for objecting to this insanity.