The Bunnysitter

While we are in Northern California, our unemployed friend the Big O is staying at our apartment to take care of our giant pet rabbit Tycho Bunnae. The bunny-sitting arrangement is one of those few mutually beneficial things that can happen: the Big O is getting kicked out of the studio apartment he has been staying at by his roommate who is sick of having him live on her couch, and we need someone to stay at our place to feed Tycho, clean his litter, and generally keep him company. So it is good.

The Big O is a character. He has been looking for a job for about a year now, but has never worked before (despite being 25 years old), so is finding it a bit challenging to find a job. (Actually, he once had an internship from 9 am - 1 pm, but found the work so exhausting that he had to nap every day when he got home.) Needless to say, the Big O has a lot of time on his hands.

One day, Big O was watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. On the show, a masseuse came to Larry David’s house, and at the end of the massage she asked him of he would like a “happy ending.” David was not sure what a “happy ending” was, so he initially agreed. When she grabbed his dick and he figured out it was a hand job, he had her stop. He told his friends what happened and they all yelled at him for not finishing the “happy ending.”

Big O. was impressed. He had never heard of a “happy ending” before, and he decided that it sounded good to him. He got on craigslist.org and began looking for a masseuse. A few days later, he went to his appointment for a “sensual massage,” thinking that obviously a “sensual” massage would end with a “happy ending.” The masseuse told him to get completely undressed and then she also got naked (so there would be no clothes to interfere with the vibes), turned the lights off, and lit candles and incense. She massaged Big O. all over. All over, that is, except where he really wanted the massage. When she told him he was finished and could get dressed, he pointed out that he obviously was not finished, and asked where his “happy ending” was.

The masseuse was understandably completely offended. She told Big O. that this was about reaching a spiritual high, not some whorehouse. Big O. was furious that he spent $75 on a massage that did not come with a “happy ending.” He got dressed and stormed out, neglecting to tip the poor masseuse.

What completely amuses me about this story is that Big O. saw something on TV and decided that he should try it also. OK, actually the whole situation is hilarious. Who the hell does that? I guess that’s what endears Big O. to me so much. He just finds himself in ridiculous situations in which I cannot imagine anyone else winding up. Good stuff.