No Pussy for Me, Thanks

On January 25, 2006 – less than a mere month ago – I made a minor mistake. I wrote that if there is one word I hate, it is panties. While it is true that the word panties creeps me out, last night I remembered that I hate the word pussy much, much more than panties.

Slang and Euphemism, 2nd Revised Edition defines “pussy” as: 1. the female genitals. [slang and colloquial, 1800s – pres.] 2. an effeminate male. For synonyms see FRIBBLE. [US slang, early 1900s – pres.] 3. women considered sexually. For synonyms see TAIL [US slang, mid-1900s – pres.] 4. copulation. [US slang, mid-1900s]

The dictionary goes on to list other pussy-related terms, including pussy-bumping (lesbianism), pussy butterfly (IUD), pussyfart ( also cunt-fart), and pussy posse (vice squad), none of which make me like the word any better. (I only include these things because I find them funny, especially pussyfart. (I also wonder why pussy fart is not hyphenated, but cunt-fart is, according to the slang dictionary. Just curious.)

Pussy initially sounds friendly and pleasant. Everyone loves kitties – they are soft and cuddly, and unlike beavers, don’t tend to chop things up with their teeth, although they will claw the fuck out of stuff sometimes (which some people find hot). On the other hand, the word pussy always seemed too close to the word pus (as in thick yellowish oozing, dripping wounds) to be sexy. It is certainly true that vaginas can get extremely oozy and drippy. Every month at ovulation, the mucus plug in the cervix that blocks sperm and germs from entering the uterus discharges itself. Ovulation-calendar.com describes it as thus: “At ovulation, the quantity of mucus will increase greatly and the appearance will resemble ‘egg whites,’ often semitransparent. The texture will become increasingly slippery and 'stretchable'.” It’s a soupy moistness that hangs around for a few days and messes up underwear. (A good reason to choose cotton undies – cotton is more absorbent than nylon, silk, spandex, or heaven forbid, going commando.)

Ovulation isn’t the only time it gets goopy down there. Anyone who’s ever had sex without a condom or who has used spermicide knows that all sorts of fluids will be seeping out over the course of the next 36 hours or so. The feeling of old jizz making an appearance on your upper thighs is one of the many delights I try to avoid. All this soppiness is not just gross, but can lead to a truly nasty urinary tract infection if not properly managed. (Again, cotton underwear helps!)

Anyway, the point is that the word pussy completely makes me think about all these things and grosses me out. As a result, I really hate the word pussy.
[republished at 12:25 pm with minor technical edits]