Wedding Lions and Another Type of Meat

My friend Joyner’s wedding was tonight. It was in Flushing, Queens, so Dr. P, Dr. H, Husband, and I piled into Fred the Red and motored over the East River. It was tons of fun. Joyner is Chinese, and there was an awesome Lion Dance. A lion approaches the bait (the lettuce, not the couple)... They start munching! Happily "fed" lions, with some lettuce carnage visible on the floor.

Even better, it turns out that the Lion Dance performers were part of the Chinese Free Masons! What are the odds?!?! I was ecstatic. (I should not be so surprised, though. It seems that the Masons really are everywhere. No matter where I have been lately, be it Ocean City, NJ or Cedar Rapids, IA or Harlem, I keep passing Masons Lodges…)

On the way home, Dr. H told us about a recent traumatic experience she had at work. An extremely obese woman came into the hospital, and Dr. H needed to do a vaginal exam. Except that she had a very hard time finding the woman’s “vah-jay-jay,” as she put it so us lay folk could understand. She said the woman had a body mass index of 65, and she had to try and push aside layers of fat to do the exam. (She described this while making motions as if she were doing the breast stroke and swimming through a pool of lard.) The grossest thing of all was the large wad of toilet paper that she found trapped in the patient.

I forgot to ask her if the woman maintained her pubic hair, but I suspect the answer would have been no.