Why am I not a host of "The View?"

Oh, Elisabeth Hasselbeck nee Filarski. You were so cute on Survivor, when you stuck to blathering on about things that involved immunity and gym shoe design. When you first were invited to be on The View, I did not understand why, but mostly you were quiet, so who cared? Now, you have made the mistake of so many before you (Debbie Matenopolous, anyone?) and decided to “share” your ideas and thoughts with the rest of the world. According to Entertainment Weekly:

On Aug. 2, she went off on an angry, sometimes incoherent tirade about the evils of the morning-after birth-control pill, to the point where Walters told her to calm down (from the Aug. 18 issue). [Man, I wish I saw that.]

Two days later, she revealed the harsh mistress beneath her genial thoughtlessness by telling an anecdote about encountering a babysitter whom Hasselbeck felt was neglecting her young charges on a New York City street. She freely admitted to yelling at the young woman and read a description of her (she'd taken notes!) so that the girl would be identified and fired... and so, presumably, would scores of other babysitters who may have fit that description. Woe unto you should you be the luckless waitress, taxi driver, or other service employee who does not behave as Ms. Hasselbeck thinks you should (from ew.com).

(Cue the many Survivor jokes here.) Please, for the sake of your job and my sanity (as it causes me immense psychic pain when incompetent stupid people get jobs that I will never be considered for, although I am far more articulate and intelligent than they are), shut the fuck up.