Last night as I stuffed Hershey's Kisses into my mouth as if the Republicans planned to ban chocolate as the ultimate "fuck you" to the electorate before this session of Congress ends, I came across one that was slightly deformed. "Hmmmm..." I thought, "I hope this isn't poisoned." After a very short pause to consider, I said, "Oh well," and I gobbled it up. It was extra chocolatey, I swear.
After eating the damaged Kiss and two others, it occurred to me that had I known for a fact that it had been tampered with, there was a good chance that I still might've ingested it anyway. This is disturbing, particularly because it was not like it was my last Kiss. (Oh contraire, a good 10-15 remain to taunt me.) Yet the allure of a chocolate in my hand was too much to resist.
Maybe Rumsfeld had the same problem. I am doomed.
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Chocolate is a very strong drug. I have been known to wake up with it smeared on my face and a good 20 empties laying around me in my bed. And the morning after is a real bitch. The kids have pleaded for me to get help. I know belong to Chocanonymous. My name is Rissy, and I am a Chocoholic. HI RISSY!
ReplyDeleteMaybe the disfigured Kiss is a conspiracy that will cause all women to lose their bodily hair.
ReplyDeleteWe tried some dark chocolate Heresy’s Kisses this past weekend - not bad.
I don't like chocolate unless it's got nuts in it, know what I mean?
ReplyDeleteI would have done the same thing. In fact, I have. I once found a box of jelly bellys (bertie botts) at the movies while watching Harry Potter. I ate the open box of candy, and convinced others to do the same.
ReplyDelete