Holidays are About Sharing

Although my cervix did not get the hula hoop (aka NuvaRing) it saw on TV and wanted, a lá The Chipmunks song, Hanukkah and the holidays were good to me overall. I thought I’d share some of the cooler gifts that I received. They’d probably make really good gifts for the freaks in your life, too.

Sexy stuff from my friend Nancy
This is my vagina coin purse and the funny box it came in that says “Eat Out More Often.” I like the fact that it is very furry and has a sparkly clit.

Nancy also got me Choochy Rash Free Body Shave Cream. Is that not the best name ever for shaving crap? My in-laws are taking my husband, brother-in-law, his girlfriend, and I on a cruise in March, so this will come in handy. (Since I won’t have shaved since I came back from the DR, I’ll need to reinstitute Operation Smooth Legs and Pits, which requires me to shave the long silky hair off with a razor, let it grow into stubble, and then epilate it all off so that I don’t have to think about it again while I am traveling. OSL&P was very effective for the DR trip, I am happy to report.) Anyway, Coochy is a very versatile product, it seems. It also may be used as conditioner! I had it with me while I was in the DR, and one day J. randomly asked me if I had any leave in conditioner. I didn’t have anything but Coochy – which is supposed to be rinsed out – but J. used it anyway and seemed happy with the results. Coochy’s last characteristic is both good and bad. It is Pear Berry scent. This is good because it smells nice, but bad because I am always tempted to eat body products that smell like foods. So far I have been able to resist, but it is still dangerous!

A crafty something from my friend Steph
I mentioned this book, Very Naughty Origami by Nick Robison, on my blog once before. I hope to make some awesome shit once I get some origami paper. High on my to do list is the origami penis (Schwanstucker). According to the book, you can “hold by the balls and gently squeeze in and out for a realistic action.” Also a priority to create is “A Glimpse of Paradise,” which is a skirt that flutters in the wind and allows you to see up it. (The book helpfully notes that “a shot of the female pubic region is known as a ‘beaver’ shot, whereas a legs-open equivalent is known as a ‘split beaver’ shot.”)

Cuddliness from my in-laws
Ah, the swinging ‘60s. When I think of James Bond movies from the ‘60s, for some reason I picture Sean Connery getting it on with some ho bag on a bear skin rug in front of a fireplace. Romantic, no? You can imagine my excitement when I got an F.A.O Schwartz catalog in the mail and saw that I can have my very own fake bear skin rug! I put it on my Hanukkah/birthday gift list right away, and was delighted when Maurice arrived. Even my hostile giant pet rabbit (he’s about 13 lbs) loves Maurice. I’ve caught him licking Maurice’s nose. How adorable!

And there's even more to share! I’ll show the gifts my husband gave me in a separate post. Yes, I am a very lucky hag.