How Sweet is the"Honeymoon Suite?" Not Very.

Setting aside the issue of clean linens at hotels, there is something very creepy (or unintentionally amusing, sometimes it’s hard to tell which) about rooms specifically designed for sex. I saw the whirlpool suites at Sybaris while I was in college, which amused me with their beds surrounded by mirrors. This past summer I actually got to experience the cheesy thrill of staying in a “sex room” for the first time.

My husband and I went to Tel Aviv for my friend H’s wedding in August. We arrived at the hotel at 4 am, and were told that there was only one room available. We were exhausted and gladly checked in. I knew something was off, though, when we got upstairs and opened the door to the room. I swore I heard a bad porn soundtrack playing in my head as I turned on the lights. The room looked suspiciously like it was the set of a cheesy soft core movie. There was a round bed with a mirror over it. The mirror had lights that were controlled by a dimmer, although not all the light bulbs worked. Tucked into the corner of the room was a chaise lounge surrounded by mirrors with some outdated track lighting dangling over it.

Nothing about the room made me uncontrollably horny. (It probably didn’t help that several of the lights on the mirror were burned out.) The whole situation did, however, inspire me to lie down on the round bed and take pictures of myself and others making funny faces into the ceiling mirror. It also me made want show it to everyone I knew, which I did.

While I wasn’t laughing uncontrollably, I learned a few things from sleeping in a round bed for 11 nights. First, if you and your partner are both near-sighted, you are not going to see anything in a ceiling mirror once you take your glasses off or contacts out (which would have been a downer had I actually cared to watch.) Second, it is hard to keep regular rectangular sheets on round beds, even when you are doing nothing so much as sitting on the bed reading a book. It seems that sheets are not available cut in round shapes. Another issue presented by a round bed is head support. You may wake up with your head dangling off the bed at odd angles, since normal beds don’t drop off suddenly and balloon out in other areas. Finally, I warn you that it can be startling and downright scary to see something moving on the ceiling when you wake up until you realize that it is not a ginormous bug, but in fact, your own reflection. Whew!