What have I done to so offend the gods of fashion that they continually inflict their vengeance upon me? I mean, other than eat on a regular basis? Meals that consist of significantly more than leafy greens? (And usually in fact are comprised of no leafy greens or any vegetables of any sort.) The sins of a few cookies hardly merit the punishment meted out in the form of the skinny pants.
Anyone who has recently walked by a Gap store knows that skinny pants (a.k.a. “Skinny jeans” when constructed from denim) are insanely tight legged pants. The Gap calls their version of this monstrosity the “Audrey Pant,” probably because only people with Hepburn’s stick physique can pull off this crime against women. (We all know who many millions of women fit that description. Yes, about seven. Not seven million. Seven.)
I survived a summer of “dress shorts” (cuffed suit pants that end at the knee, thus enabling women to think that it is acceptable to wear shorts to work since they are facsimiles of actual pants and therefore people might not notice) and gauchos for this? Bah! I am going to stuff my craw with falafel, as the gods of fashion hate me anyway.
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Upon reading this post, I promptly ate 4 pieces of chocolate. If I am going to be fat and look ridiculous in clothes, I might as well embrace it.
ReplyDeleteWell, in my opinion, I would say...dont look at the skinny Audrey Hepburn jeans as punishment from the fashion gods...look at it as inspiration! I lost two inches off my waist so I could wear my favorite size 34 dirty distressed denim Abercrombie & Fitch jeans. And I know they say you should never change yourself for fashion, but if you become healthier along the way and look a little better...isnt it all worth it? And I say this as I drink my double mocha hot caramel chocolate and brown sugar and cinnamon pop tart!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree! The malls here suck biggy-time! I say that because they don't have anything bigger than what you described here. Even JC Penny has gone over to other side. Anythng there that fits me is designed for a blue-hair lady in church choir.
ReplyDeleteI'm here via Chicken Fat. Enjoyed your post ;)
That's why I shop mainly in thrift stores. Even if I did have Audrey's figure (I'm obsessed with her - did you knnow that?) I wouldn't wear those jeans anyway because I don't like things that are tight. Boo.
ReplyDeleteEven before I was fat, I had such genetically humungo calves that I would never have been able to wear those pants. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.
ReplyDeleteAnd DT - those jeans require anorexia. And anorexia ain't healthy.
One of the fashion icons in the UK was recently interviewed by a women's mag (sorry that I am cloudy on details; it was at a Drs appointment) was quoted as telling women to dress for thier figures and not fashion, and backed up Suzanne's claim that only a handful of women have the figures for skinny jeans.
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