So Much to Do, So Little Time

Ever read or learn about something just at the perfect time in life to fully process and appreciate the information? This morning I picked up my bathroom reading, The New Book of Lists, which my mother-in-law gave me for Hanukkah last year. I love The Book of Lists series and The People’s Almanac sets, which I were introduced to me by a friend while I was in high school. These books are just chock full o’ random facts, and I learned the weirdest things from them. I completely adore them.

Anyway, this morning while I was reading The New Book of Lists, I came across a list of 42 Very Odd Jobs. Excellent, I thought to myself. I could use some career guidance at this very moment. I am sad to report that while nearly all the job titles were impressive, the job functions usually were rote and boring. Still, here are my favorites:

• Ant Catcher – “Digs up live ants for use in plastic ant farms.” My friend Elli was just showing me the ant farm she bought for herself – er, I mean her son – when I visited her this past weekend. She was waiting for the ants to arrive in the mail to place in the farm. Now I know that somewhere out there, an ant digger supplied them. Cool.
• Ball Picker - “Picks up unclaimed baseballs, golf balls, and the like to keep recreation areas clean.”
• Boner - “Inserts stays (bone or steel) into prepared pockets of women’s foundation garments, such as corsets and brassieres.” Don’t you love how underwear is here described as “foundation garments?” The good old days!
• Bosom Presser - “Clothing presser who specializes in pressing bosoms of blouses and shirts.”
• Bottom Bleacher - “Applies bleaching liquid to bottom of leather outsoles of lasted shoes, using brush or cloth, to lighten color outsoles.” In my mind, this title also seems apt for anyone caring who young children who changes diapers and wipes the doody off babies’ asses.
• Chick Sexer - “Inserts a light to examine the sex organs of chicks, them separates the males from the females. A university degree in chick sexing is offered in Japan.” This is my favorite of all the jobs. Not that I want to shove a light up the genitals of cute little fluffy chicks, but the title and clientele (the chicks) are too cool.
• Hooker Inspector - “Inspects cloth in a textile mill for defects by using a hooking machine that folds the cloth.” In Amsterdam, where prostitutes are required to get medical tests every few months or so to certify that they are healthy, this job is called “gynecologist.” The job description also sounds a bit more like what a chick sexer does.
• Queen Producer - Raises queen bees. Also known as a parent raising a bitchy girl. Also also known as the producers of Queen, one of the greatest musical groups ever. “We are the champions” indeed.

Sadly, many of these jobs will most likely be impossible to find in New York City.