Only in the past year did I figure out that padded bras serve a purpose other than to make your chest bigger. For many years, I’d see padding in huge bra sizes. As I busty girl myself, my strategy was to do everything in my power to minimize the rack, so I couldn’t imagine who would want to endanger the sight of small children by wearing a padded size 44 DD bra. Not that they would go blind by seeing a woman with boobs each the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro, but that their eye-level is lower than that of adults, and a woman wearing such a contraption might accidentally poke their eyes if she was not looking where she was going.
Then I discovered that some padding is merely added to help hide erect nipples. It seems that while some women have no problem keeping the cherries on top of their scoops of ice cream in check, many of us can’t rely on our nipples to behave in public and not poke through our shirts. I never had problems with this until a few years ago, and I didn’t know what to do about it. It’s just too weird to go to work and have your chest be perkier than most of your co-workers are before they’ve had their first cup of coffee. One of my wise friends informed that me a bra with light padding would keep me respectable. (What would I do without friends?)
On the other hand, the people who dictate “fashion” to us seem to love big pointy nipples on big boobs. It seems that nipplage is in style. I walked down the street in San Francisco recently and saw a mannequin in a store window with nipples the size of acorns, jabbing through a sweater. Personally, I wasn’t sure that any real woman had nipples that impressive, and if she did, why she’d want them practically begging for spare change through her top.
Then I remembered Steph’s friend who we’ll call Kitty. Kitty really did have nipples that big, if not bigger; her nipples were totally out of control. That didn’t stop her from wearing extremely tight shirts, though. Sometimes you’d be in a room with her and her nipples were so prominent that it seemed like she had attached a rock on top of each boob. I suppose that some find that sexy (nipples are always rock hard and ready for some tweaking in porn movies), but this was just freaky. Husband said it was like her nipples were watching you; like the eyes of a portrait in a haunted mansion, they’d follow you around the room. “I couldn’t escape the glare of her nipples, wherever I went,” he complained after a party.
There’s no point to this. I just find it funny.
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I'm a big fan of "lined" bras. They don't add much boobage, but they minimize the nipplage. I'm not a fan of the nipplage.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be anonymous for this one, though you know who I am...
ReplyDeleteThe minister at my church is a woman and has very perky nipples and wears tight sweaters. It is a very odd situation, trying to concentrate on the spiritual when the physical is so clearly present.
I've had that "nipple problem" ever since I first got boobs. It seems like wherever I go, they always announce me. It used to embarrass me, but now I just make odd statements to no one in particular like, "Is it cold in here or is it just me?" Or if I'm in a department store and it so happens that my high beams are on and people are staring (bc my breasts are quite large), I'll pick up something like a bathing suit top or something similarly small while donning a surprised/gratified face and say, "Oh, a nipple cover! I've been looking all over for these!"
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to offend. Really. I just find it hysterically funny that boobs are such a big deal in the first place, much less nipples on boobs.
I have constant nipple issues. In high school I used to ear band-aids on them, but now I too favor the padded bra (plus they give my little boobies a needed boost)
ReplyDeleteSometimes I like having erect nipples. But I don't like it at all when I'm teaching. Walking down the street, yes. Standing in front of 20-year-old boys, no. I sometimes use the sides of my arms to smoosh them down.
ReplyDeleteI dunno. Rather than look bigger, I guess I just carry a jacket. Or fold my arms in front of my chest while holding an eraser and making an important point.
I go with lined, too. Since my surgery, the right one just loafs, but the left one is frequently perky, so I have one hard nipple syndrome.
ReplyDeleteNipples begging for spare change. Now there's an image.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I started wearing padded bras. I am very self-conscious about nipple erections, and, as I like to tell close friends, "Nipple exposure equals trust." (But not full-on exposure...the nudity situation is still a work-in-megatrust-progress.)
ReplyDeleteI just want you to know that I came here via CityMama while I was procrastinating and not making a phone call to a guy to whom I owe money (and I really did send the check yesterday, but he's already pissed). And I've got through every phase of denial about how this wasn't my fault (it totally was) and now that I've had a beer and read this totally absurd but hilarious post and I'm laughing so hard I better check my panties I can now make this phone call. Thanks!
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