These were the subject lines of four spam emails that I received yesterday. I had a few more like them in the previous weeks, too. I know that they are not supposed to be funny, but I can’t help but crack up when I see them in my junk mail box.
The first thing about these spam emails that tickle me is the arbitrary array of letters. I wonder if the sender really thinks that the message will wind up in my inbox instead of junk mail merely by inserting random letters at the front of the subject line before all the sexy talk. The other thing that is hilarious is the awful grammar. For this reason, I like the fourth email best because I have no fucking idea what a “bukkake” is. Is that even a word? I suppose I should look it up.
[time out for quick research]
Oh. According to wikipedia, Bukkake is:
Bukkake is a group sex practice wherein a series of people take turns ejaculating onto someone. There can be strong overtones of erotic humiliation in this practice. Various styles exist, but a common form of bukkake seen in such publications will involve a woman or man sitting, lying down, or kneeling while men (or functional transsexuals) approach to masturbate until they ejaculate on her/his body, primarily on the face or in the mouth. The semen is left on the face as another man repeats the routine... One urban myth purports that the practice originated in feudal Japan as a method of punishing women who had committed adultery. Fetish "forced bukkake" movies are popular in Japan. The typical plot features a young woman acting as a naïve, uniformed student or a demure pantyhosed office lady somehow finding herself in the predicament of being tied up and drenched with semen against her will.Damn, I hate when something semi-amusing turns totally depressing upon the receipt of further knowledge. I still think the email subjects are funny in their own right, but once again am filled with serious contempt for people, in this case, men specifically. I’ll never understand why humiliating and demoralizing another human being is a turn on. Oh. Sorry, I forgot that women aren’t human in most cultures. Never mind. Sigh.
[Later] I wrote this up on Friday and thought I was going to have to end this post on a horribly depressing note, but fortunately, when I told Husband about bukkake later in the evening, he guided the discussion in a further demented, but significantly less depressing, way. I think it happened when I asked him if the American version of bukkake is the game known to jocks and other vile male creatures as “cum on a cookie.” Cum on a cookie (now known to me as Bukcookie – ha ha!) is “played” like this: a group pf guys stand around a cookie. (I’m not sure if one person holds the cookie or if it is on the ground.) They then simultaneously jerk off on it. (A circle jerk, but with a goal.) Whoever comes last is forced to eat the cookie.
Husband wondered what size the cookie is, and if that determines how many guys can participate and how it affects the game. For example, if it is a Chips Ahoy cookie, then there is significantly less room to stand around it, thus fewer guys can play. If fewer guys play, the odds of coming last and thus being forced to eat the jizz cookie are much higher than if the cookie is a giant cookie from the Cookie Factory or another bakery that would allow more guys to be part of the insanity, and thus lessen any individual’s chance of having to choke that sucker down. Of course, the statistical loser would have to consume that much more jizz.
We also wondered whether the type of cookie makes a difference. Would a chocolate chip cookie be a better match for jizz than an oatmeal raison? If the jizz is a vile frosting of a sort, than perhaps a sugar cookie or ginger snap might be the best type of cookie to use. I’d even through out the idea of Nilla Wafers, but I don’t think they are available in larger than bite size, so that would ruin the game, so to speak.
In the end, I have to wonder what the hell is wrong with males that they would want to do anything like this. On one hand (heh heh), I am intrigued that men/boys feel comfortable enough with their sexuality that they would stand around in a circle masturbating in front of one another. One the other, what the fuck is wrong with anyone who would use their sexuality in that way?
I’m just glad that women have not ruined any cookies for me.
holy shit! i am so grossed out and glad once gain i am not a guy. seriously, could you see women get together for masturbation fun? i am pretty sure i could not perform. people can be so gross and repulsive. i, too, wondered what bukkake meant. repulsive- they have a fucking name for everything!
ReplyDeletedianne
Eww.
ReplyDeleteThat's the grossest thing I'll read all day, I assume.
I like to think that even if women had that kind of physical power, they would not use it for evil. It's things like this that make want to give up men entirely and move to Planet Amazonia where stupid things like this don't come up. Ha. Of course, any guys that I hang around with definitely do NOT do this.
p.s. you get more interesting spam than me. I only get offers for mortgages.
Oh, ookie cookie! I know about that from my high school sweetheart. He knew about it because his MOM asked him if had ever participated in one. It's also called a bull session.
ReplyDeleteI was right. This was the most disturbing thing I'd read all day. So much so that I blocked it out of my memory and you had to remind me whilst in Trader Joe's.
ReplyDeletewow. I forgot about the cookie thing. ugh.
ReplyDeleteI forgot it was also known as ookie cookie. Thanks for reminding me, Elli!
ReplyDeleteThanks Suzanne - enlightening and disturbing us all at the same time. You do provide a public service.
ReplyDeleteAw shucks!
ReplyDeleteIn the UK it's more commonly known as soggy biscuit.
ReplyDeleteI have never heard of anyone ever playing it though.
Urban myth? Maybe, maybe not.
I would imagine it's a more common thing for gay men to take part in, as it is a rather gay thing to take part in.