Sister relayed an amusing anecdote when I spoke to her on the phone yesterday. She works at a school, and the custodian approached her during the day to ask her if any of the parents she works with had lost money, as he had found $30. (You know that this did not take place in NYC because the custodian did not try and pocket his found treasure. Which I would totally do if I randomly found money in a hallway, unless I knew whose it was, and this honest dude had no idea.) She did not think so, but a few hours later, a parent called in a panic and asked Sister if anyone had found $30. Sister assured her that it was there, and the parent could get it from her when she arrived to pick her kid up at the end of the day.
Later, when the parent arrived, Sister handed over the wad of cash. The woman thanked her profusely and then unfortunately explained how she lost it in the first place. “I put it in my bra. My husband told me not to put it in my bra, but I did anyway. It must have gotten loose and fallen out,” she explained while she pulled her shirt away from her chest and again stuffed the money in her bra as Sister’s jaw dropped to the ground. “Thanks for finding it, though.”
Not only was a lesson clearly not learned (and I hope that the custodian does keep it next time), but Sister was grossed out that she handled titty money. Could be worse, though, I advised. She could’ve kept it in her thong or g-string. Now those would be some funky bills.
Of course, this makes me wonder about the cash stuffed in the g-strings of strippers and reminds why money is dirty and you should not put it in your mouth and definitely wash your hands after handling things that have been put in places you don’t want to know about.
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And yet, the entire time I was reading this post, I was counting my money, holding a 50 with my teeth...and you would've thought I learned a lesson from your moral post, but I didnt. I stuck two 20's with the 50 after I was done reading...eh.
ReplyDeleteAt least she didn't stuff the $30 in her crotch.
ReplyDeleteRegarding G string money...
ReplyDeleteMy best friend is a stripper, and atleast where Im from, the girls do not put the money in their g's, but instead they have garters on their legs.
Actually, theres a cool pair of stripper shoes out with slots on them for money. Theres a trap door to get the money out later, but thats like the best piggy bank ever.
There was actually a study that came out a few years ago that found an alarming amount of fecal matter on money. The theory was that a lot of people don't wash there hands after using the bathroom and it gets transfered to the money later when they're handling it. So the titty money was probably shitty money too.
ReplyDeleteto quote the awesome 80's movie "Teen Witch", top that...
ReplyDeleteand I can.... when i was in high school, i worked at a hardware store and sweaty construction guys would come in and pay with sweaty money that came out of their sock. it would be sopping wet, and i would look at them like, you seriously want me to touch that. sometimes, because of working outside, even pulling it out of their pockets-if they kept it there- it would be wet. it was so fucking gross!
Those stripper shoes sound damn awesome! Thanks for the tip, Jessie! (And I am totally embarrassed at my g-string gaffe!)
ReplyDeleteNow I have something new to be paranoid about.
ReplyDeleteWhy would you keep money in your bra?
ReplyDelete1. my wallet is bigger than my boobs.
2. Purses are so fun.
3. If someone attacks you, do you not think they're goingg to go for your bra?
i would rather handle titty money than foot money or crotch money, that's for sure.
ReplyDelete