Try not to choke from laughter

Seriously, if you want to read some funny shit, check out Rabbi Shmuley Boteach’s sex column. For example, his column on breastfeeding is called, “Moms, Don’t Forget to Feed Your Marriages,” and contains this bit of comic gold:

I strongly agree with the advice of the ancient rabbis that husbands should not be staring at the actual delivery [of a child]. That is just too erotic a part of a wife's anatomy for it to become a mere birth canal.

The erotic nature of a wife's body is one of the principal elements of attraction in marriage. When a husband ceases to see his wife as a woman, and begins to see her as "the mother of his children," a negative trend has begun in his mind that can only subvert his erotic interest.

Now, a reader can approach this passage in one of two ways. You can either fall down laughing because it is so fucking ridiculous with the Madonna/Whore complex, or you can become so enraged that you want to strangle someone.

Personally, I decided to fall down laughing. This is partly because I already have a long list of people that I want to kill and it will take me forever to get to the good rabbi, and partly because it is so insane that it just makes me laugh. Man, I can’t imagine how crazy it would be if say, my dad saw my mom as “the mother of his children,” which oddly enough, is one of her many roles in life, although us children are theirs, not merely his.

Someday, I hope the good rabbi writes something on pubic hair, because I would love to read all about how women's pubic hair is erotic for their husbands and shaving it off would violate their right to get turned on by lots of hair, which is a theme in the Hasidic community and why married women wear wigs. But for now, this treatise on birth and breastfeeding will have to suffice. Just click on the link and chuckle the day away. Good times.