This is Brian J. Conant, President of Flat-D Innovations, (left) and Frank J. Conant, "Flatulence Guru," (above). I "met" them one day when my friend M. sent me an email with the subject "For your blog" and a link to www.flatd.com in the body of the email. (This was very good timing, as I was seriously despairing about evil women who screw the rest of us over by being total cuntfaces, and just then one of my delightful friends pops up and reminds me that there are some super cool, awesome, rockin ladies with excellent senses of humor out there. )Anyway, here is what you will find if you follow the link to Flat-D's women only products:
At Flat-D Innovations, we specialize in producing products that neutralize embarrasing [sic] feminine crotch odors. Through research, prototypes and live testing (with real customers) we're pleased to introduce a new line of women’s products: The “FEM-D”, “Thong-D” and "Overpad Plus."
Our “FEM-D” was developed for women that have had flatulence and vaginal odor issues.
The “Thong-D” was developed for women who wear thong underwear and have flatulence issues.
Our “Overpad-D" and“Overpad-Plus”pads were developed for women that have their menstrual cycle (and/or incontinence) and are concerned about the odors associated with it. All three of these products were developed specifically for women.These products will give you confidence and eliminate the embarrassment caused by these types of odors.Our products do not cure the odor but can definitely provide you with relief from the symptom.
Read our complete white paper on female odor control problems. Female Hygiene
Every time I read this, I laugh hysterically. What is not gut busting hilarious about people earnestly trying to sell women underwear that cure “crotch odors?” I really wish that I was smart enough to have written this first. The nice thing about Flat-D (that's short for flatulence deodorizer) is that is is doctor recommened (I swear the website makes this claim) and understands that men and canines can be smelly too!
If you have any questions after reading all about farts on the Flat-D website, you can email their medical expert ("Due to medical liability concerns only flatulence related questions will be answered by the doctor."), read an essay (Flatulence is part of life! By Frank Morosky, Flatulence Guru), or join their flatulence yahoo group. Great stuff.
Reminds me of the ad my wife and I saw for Thunderpants-- an Australian product (I think) that had a charcoal filter in the back to help reduce odors from flatulence. Totally cracked us up (we'll never grow up).
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you remember the tv show Thundercats, but I like to use the announcer's resonant barotone voice to promote Thunderpants whenever I can.
I believe that Flat-D uses the same advanced technology to keep our environment smelling fresh, too. Thunderpants sounds hilarious, and I totally remember the Thundercats. Thunderpants could have been a great tie in - I know that Mumra scared the shit out of me on some of those episodes!
ReplyDelete